1. Posted: March 14, 2016In:

    A grieving mother uses ancient magic to resurrect her recently deceased daughter despite her own mother?s dire warnings resulting in deadly consequences for those closest to her.

    FFF Mentor

    I join the previous comments. And you can skip the grandmother warnings, they are a very minor detail in the story.

    I join the previous comments. And you can skip the grandmother warnings, they are a very minor detail in the story.

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  2. Posted: March 14, 2016In:

    When the Devil steals the Grim Reaper’s power source, her scythe, releasing the undead on the earth, Death must reunite with her estranged brothers, regain her powers and stop the Apocalypse.

    FFF Mentor

    Hello, I had to look on the dictionary for grim reaper and schythe but I'm not english native so I suppose it's just me. I like the concept! I like death being the main character. I'm wondering if you can't find a better opponent than the devil, a more original one. The only thing that is really weaRead more

    Hello, I had to look on the dictionary for grim reaper and schythe but I’m not english native so I suppose it’s just me.
    I like the concept! I like death being the main character. I’m wondering if you can’t find a better opponent than the devil, a more original one.
    The only thing that is really weak in the logline is the “estranged brother”, absolutely no cleus about who he may be! I think that the logline would be more powerful if you give a detail about that – this would clarify the plot. Finally, what does exaclty the death must do to stop the apocalipse?

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  3. Posted: March 14, 2016In:

    A conwoman sets out to swindle a day trader out of his millions, but when they?re both framed for his wife?s murder, they?ll have to come together to clear their names before they?re thrown in jail or wind up whacked by the day trader?s mobster father-in-law.

    FFF Mentor

    I ?kind of remember an old version of this logline, now it's much much better, very clear. I like it. I think that you can ?shorten it a little more. When does the victim learn that the woman is a conartist? At the beginning or at the end? this can influence the writing. Anyway I think the movie canRead more

    I ?kind of remember an old version of this logline, now it’s much much better, very clear. I like it. I think that you can ?shorten it a little more.
    When does the victim learn that the woman is a conartist? At the beginning or at the end? this can influence the writing. Anyway I think the movie can have many reveals (who killed the wife, maybe the trader? The trader is the real con artist, trying to put the blame on the con woman for an even bigger fraud and a murder?).
    I suggest to change the end of the logline, “to clean their names” is vague, maybe they must find the real murderer before the police or the mobster father in love find them? I think that “come togher” is kind of implicit, you cna save a few words there.

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