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  1. Posted: October 1, 2015In: Action

    A recent widow begins using the world?s most popular virtual reality game to escape the pain of real life, but when the game?s characters gain self awareness and start fighting back against the ?Human Invaders? she?ll need to find a way back to reality to survive.

    FFF Mentor
    Added an answer on October 1, 2015 at 8:07 pm

    Hello, I would say a "young widow". I suggest to say virtual reality insteand of VR. I think this concept is interesting. What I like is that the character has a clear flow (she wants to escape from reality) and a clear goal with irony (she need to come back to reality -or, I assume, she'll be killeRead more

    Hello,

    I would say a “young widow”. I suggest to say virtual reality insteand of VR.

    I think this concept is interesting. What I like is that the character has a clear flow (she wants to escape from reality) and a clear goal with irony (she need to come back to reality -or, I assume, she’ll be killed by the VR people or totally absorbed by the VR world).
    I think you have something this time! I remember an old version of this concept where things were confused, now it makes sense to me.

    Maybe you can include some details to let the reader imagine the VR world??

    I see this movie like a modern version of “Westworld” where the robots of a theme park starts killing the visitors. Now it’s the virtual characters of a virtual reality game that fights the gamers – and I think they have good reasons to do so, as they were like slaves! It’s good when the opponent has a point.

    I don’ know where your story will go but as a logline, it’s interesting and promising.

    What about:

    “When the characters of a?virtual reality game start killing the?human players, a young widow, addicted to the game, need?to find a way back to reality to survive”.

    I think there is still some work to do to write the perfect logline.

    I like “human invaders”, it could be the title.

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  2. Posted: October 1, 2015In: Action

    An Empress too pacific to take a stand allows the relationship with her neighbors countries turn sour, while one of them demands more resources from her country and she refuses, war breaks out between them.

    FFF Mentor
    Added an answer on October 1, 2015 at 7:41 pm

    Hello, I can't picture the movie...?I assume this is not a war movie, It seems more a film about diplomacy, a biopic about an Empress: in this case I'd like to have a better understanding of the character - I think this kind of movie works better when it's an historical character- but?she doesn't haRead more

    Hello, I can’t picture the movie…?I assume this is not a war movie, It seems more a film about diplomacy, a biopic about an Empress: in this case I’d like to have a better understanding of the character – I think this kind of movie works better when it’s an historical character- but?she doesn’t have to be. Maybe you can be more specific about the country and period if it matters for the story.

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  3. Posted: September 28, 2015In: SciFi

    When their last mission fails, three neurotic hit-men from three different times and civilizations are separately enlisted by a highly secretive organization to assassinate each other.

    FFF Mentor
    Added an answer on October 1, 2015 at 2:11 am

    Hello, I want to say first and foremost that I think that what you say make sense and I shouldn't use the world "honest" in this context (I'm not a native english speaker) - I'm trying to say something that -in my opinion- could help you see things differently, or not, and I will respect your opinioRead more

    Hello,

    I want to say first and foremost that I think that what you say make sense and I shouldn’t use the world “honest” in this context (I’m not a native english speaker) – I’m trying to say something that -in my opinion- could help you see things differently, or not, and I will respect your opinion anyway.

    When I read the logline of “it’s a wonderful life”, I expect some things that are impossible in the real world. I expect some magic.
    When I read “3 hit man…”, I do not. Maybe it’s just me.
    It’s not really about the genre but about the mind setting of the reader… I imagine myslelf as a producer, or as an amateur screenwriter what I am), that must chose to download and read a screeplay or not- if I download “3 hit man…” because I want guns, killings and I don’t like magic, time travelling or whatever, when I find?this in the script I stop reading, simply because It was not what I was looking for.
    I used to work in a videoshop and clients were always disappointed when they found “impossible” things where they didn’t expected. If I read?a logline for Always as a war movie, I’ll be highly disappointed. I would be disapponted also if the logline treat it as a “philadelphia experiment” sci fi movie. I would be happy with a logline who stress the power of love and the magic of romance, so I know that the movie is not for me 🙂

    In reading you plot, I though “wow, this is A LOT MORE than 3 hit mans, this is Takeshi Miike (watch Izo https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Izo), this is STRANGE”, so I suggest you to include some of the madness of the movie in the logline – call it whatever you want but the reader should be warned in some way.

    I hope this help somehow !

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1 … 75 76 77 78 79 … 177

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