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An emotionally-detached Forest Ranger rescues a traumatized boy from an abandoned logging site and must fight for survival against prehistoric creatures that were awakened during deforestation.
It is really good. It plants a nice seed in my head and I already see images flourishing. I suggest that the main event is the appearance of the prehistoric creatures: "When a deforestation wakes a pack of prehistoric carnivours, an emotionally-detached Forest Ranger must fight for survival while prRead more
It is really good. It plants a nice seed in my head and I already see images flourishing.
I suggest that the main event is the appearance of the prehistoric creatures:
“When a deforestation wakes a pack of prehistoric carnivours, an emotionally-detached Forest Ranger must fight for survival while protecting a boy he has rescued.”
See lessWhen the mysterious knight who slaughtered his village?returns, a distrustful werewolf reluctantly teams with a rebellious human princess to track the knight down before he starts a war between humans and fantasy creatures.
It's good! I also like the "distrustful" attribute. It leaves a nice space for a character arc. One thing: why "knight?" Is he gallant? Is it a knightly thing to destroy a village? Why not call him "warrior?" Or "warlord?" Or "wizard?" Also, the logline would be simpler if the w-guy just comes, notRead more
It’s good!
I also like the “distrustful” attribute. It leaves a nice space for a character arc.
One thing: why “knight?” Is he gallant? Is it a knightly thing to destroy a village? Why not call him “warrior?” Or “warlord?” Or “wizard?”
Also, the logline would be simpler if the w-guy just comes, not comes and comes again.
Attempt to tighten an otherwise good logline. Unsolicited use of “wizard” ensues:
“When a wizard burns his village, a distrustful werewolf teams with a rebellious human princess to stop him from starting a war between humans and fantasy creatures.”
See lessAfter a zombie apocalypse occurs, which wipes out most of humanity, we see the lives and times of the Simmons family, through three different perspectives through time as everyone seems to die around Jack Simmons.
The moment we read "we see the..." especially followed by "lives and times" we indeed get the impression of reading a pitch for a TV show. It is too loose. Even if it were a TV show, you would still need to supply some tight plot premise. Also, omit any names. Instead, write a couple of words aboutRead more
The moment we read “we see the…” especially followed by “lives and times” we indeed get the impression of reading a pitch for a TV show. It is too loose. Even if it were a TV show, you would still need to supply some tight plot premise.
Also, omit any names. Instead, write a couple of words about what the character’s psychology is about.
I see that your premise is that people die around the main character. This doesn’t look like an important event, though, in the midst of a zombie apocalypse. That’s a part of the zombie (or horror) film convention: people die (and rise) all the time around everybody?especially the main character.
Unless it’s a comedy and the main character is an narcissist/egomaniac who thinks that everything revolves AROUND and happens TO him. But I don’t think this is your intention.
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