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  1. Posted: August 19, 2019In: Drama

    After her fifteen-year-old daughter commits suicide, an African American woman sets out to spread awareness surrounding mental health within her culture, where it?s an unspoken misconception.

    giannisggeorgiou Samurai
    Added an answer on August 20, 2019 at 5:10 pm

    It's a captivating drama premise. It would help to have: A more clearly defined goal: does she fight for a law to pass? Does she have to convince a specific person in power? How do we know by the end of the film that she has succeeded or failed? More clearly defined antagonism. Can you personify theRead more

    It’s a captivating drama premise. It would help to have:

    A more clearly defined goal: does she fight for a law to pass? Does she have to convince a specific person in power? How do we know by the end of the film that she has succeeded or failed?

    More clearly defined antagonism. Can you personify the forces of antagonism? Who is the ambassador of her cultural traditions which resist the idea of mental health? Her minister? The mayor? Her father? A friend whose kid experiences psychosis?

    What is the actual traditional belief? Unspoken misconception is too vague. Do they believe that mentally ill people are possessed by demons or what?

    A hint of inner journey. Is she a person who grows or does she only help others grow? Whom?

    Does location setting play a part? I feel it somehow does. The question to ask is: where would a black woman’s voice be more easily and painfully choked upon speaking on such matters as mental health?

    Have a good writing!

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  2. Posted: August 20, 2019In: Drama

    When a past abuser blackmails him, a reserved student pursues his crush, while trying to keep his secret of sleeping with an under aged girl.

    giannisggeorgiou Samurai
    Added an answer on August 20, 2019 at 3:41 pm

    When a past abuser blackmails him, a reserved student pursues his crush, while trying to keep his secret of sleeping with an under aged girl. Thanks for sharing! What is a past abuser? Do you mean someone who knows a secret of the past or someone who used to abuse him in the past? The first makes moRead more

    When a past abuser blackmails him, a reserved student pursues his crush, while trying to keep his secret of sleeping with an under aged girl.

    Thanks for sharing!

    What is a past abuser? Do you mean someone who knows a secret of the past or someone who used to abuse him in the past? The first makes more sense, but it should be defined better, like “an old schoolmate” or “an old college mate” etc. The second one also makes sense, but does it belong to a story about him sleeping with an underaged girl?

    Which brings us to the most important part: sleeping with an underaged girl is a crime. Its perpetrator should worry about prison, not just about losing his crush.

    Moreover, how are we to empathise with someone who has committed it?

    Is the story “I know what you did last summer” meets Roman Polanski?

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  3. Posted: August 20, 2019In: Biography, Examples

    In order to clear her brother of a wrongful murder conviction, an unemployed single mother puts herself through high school, college and law school.

    giannisggeorgiou Samurai
    Added an answer on August 20, 2019 at 3:04 pm

    It is a good logline. If something is missing, it is the sense of a timeframe. We know that her brother will be tried and put to prison, but how much time does she have, to go through all these stages of education? Another thing: is this story?s main conflict her being illiterate and getting an educRead more

    It is a good logline. If something is missing, it is the sense of a timeframe. We know that her brother will be tried and put to prison, but how much time does she have, to go through all these stages of education?

    Another thing: is this story?s main conflict her being illiterate and getting an education? If the story focuses more on the law school part, perhaps eliminate the high school part from the log line.

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