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A young woman, kidnapped when she was a kid, returns home to the family she barely remembers and struggles to feel ?at home.?
Although the structure is all sound and most of the elements are all here, there's something a bit off about this logline. Maybe its because it's a little vague. Firstly, although you have given us the protag, i think for a story like this she needs to have a flaw (having been kidnapped there's an iRead more
Although the structure is all sound and most of the elements are all here, there’s something a bit off about this logline. Maybe its because it’s a little vague.
Firstly, although you have given us the protag, i think for a story like this she needs to have a flaw (having been kidnapped there’s an infinite choice of them. Obviously one thats suited to the idea of struggling to reconnect with the family would suit best).
When this flaw is worked out I think it will make it easier to give her a clearer goal. I think that a clear goal is the most important thing in a logline. It lets the reader know i) where the story is going and ii) what the genre will be. I think that just saying ‘struggles to feel at home’ isnt quite enough.
If there isnt a clear goal you could instead state what her main obstacle is instead. In this perhaps her flaw is making her family have a hard time accepting her and she has to over-come this before she can ‘re-join’ the family?
hope this helps
See lessTwelve-year old twin sisters, jealous of their father?s affection for his new bride, plot to do away with the untested stepmother, not knowing that she has similar plans for them.
This is much better than the original logline. You've given the twin sisters a clear goal and even an obstacle which is always good. The inciting incident could perhaps be a little clearer. As in, 'When their fathers affection for them is taken by his new bride' but even that is just me being pedantRead more
This is much better than the original logline.
You’ve given the twin sisters a clear goal and even an obstacle which is always good.
The inciting incident could perhaps be a little clearer. As in, ‘When their fathers affection for them is taken by his new bride’ but even that is just me being pedantic.
On the whole, good work
See lessA voyeuristic loner becomes convinced he?s being relentlessly stalked by a secret FBI task force out to drive him insane, erase his identity, and frame him for multiple sex-related homicides.
A couple of things can be easily fixed in this logline. Firstly, name your inciting incident. For this story thats going to be the event that either causes the FBI to start following him, or the event that makers him realise that the FBI is following him. Next up take out the last two lines. We don'Read more
A couple of things can be easily fixed in this logline.
Firstly, name your inciting incident. For this story thats going to be the event that either causes the FBI to start following him, or the event that makers him realise that the FBI is following him.
Next up take out the last two lines. We don’t need all that info. Saying that the FBI is out to frame him, or get him (if there is a specific thing they are trying to do to him) is enough.
You then need to specify what your protag’s goal is. Is it to avoid the FBI (probably a little vague). IS it to expose the FBI for something? Is his goal what the FBI is trying to stop him from achieving? Whatever it is, say it.
“When a vouyeristic loner stumbles upon a plot by the FBI to kill the president, he must warn the authorities as the FBI tarnishes his name in an attempt to stop him”
This obviously wont have anything to do with your story but hopefully it gives you an idea.
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