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When a rival Japanese company steals all their employees, a reckless wannabe street-racer must help his mother save their failing ojek business. (An ojek is a motorcycle based form of public transport; like a motorcycle taxi. Very common in Indonesia).
First of all, take out the part in brackets. A logline is meant to be an easy to read, quick summary. This just makes it confused. Rather than writing 'Ojek,' just call it a motorcycle taxi business. Most people will be able to work this out. Just to be on the safe side even write 'Japanese transporRead more
First of all, take out the part in brackets. A logline is meant to be an easy to read, quick summary. This just makes it confused.
Rather than writing ‘Ojek,’ just call it a motorcycle taxi business. Most people will be able to work this out. Just to be on the safe side even write ‘Japanese transport compnay’ as well.
As far as the logline goes, its pretty solid I think. the inciting incident is there, the protag is clear as is his flaw. The antagonist is also obvious. I would say maybe make the goal a little clearer. Something like ‘…must help his mother save their failing motorcycle taxi business by (doing something, presumably to do with being a reckless wannabe street racer)” but even that might be a little too much.
See lessWeeks into a zombie outbreak an elusive serial killer finds refuge with a group of survivors in an isolated country home. One of the survivors a pregnant nurse, might be a victim he left for dead years ago
My main concern with this logline is we don't know who the main character is. P.O.V is so important with loglines. The way this reads it sounds like the Series Killer is the protag. If that is the case is his goal to kill her or hide his identity from her? If the nurse is the protag whats her goal?Read more
My main concern with this logline is we don’t know who the main character is. P.O.V is so important with loglines.
The way this reads it sounds like the Series Killer is the protag. If that is the case is his goal to kill her or hide his identity from her?
If the nurse is the protag whats her goal? to survive him and the Zombie outbreak simultanesously?
Basically figure out who the protag is going to be. From here tell us what their goal is (hopefully something more in depth than ‘survive the outbreak’). This should really help tighten up the logline.
hope it helps
See lessWhilst the rest of the world begins to lose their memories. A sole teenager starts to learn things about the world that they had never dreamed of.
Richiev is 100% correct. Tell us what happens in the story, not what the theme is. You really need to figure out what the protag's main goal is and put that in there. Is this an action Sci-fi about saving the world from an evil figure or a sci-fi.thriller where he needs to unlock a mystery? If you tRead more
Richiev is 100% correct. Tell us what happens in the story, not what the theme is.
You really need to figure out what the protag’s main goal is and put that in there. Is this an action Sci-fi about saving the world from an evil figure or a sci-fi.thriller where he needs to unlock a mystery?
If you tell us what his ultimate goal is then the genre becomes way clearer and it makes the story easier to visualize.
good luck with it
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