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  1. Posted: June 3, 2013In: Public

    Clashing husband-and-wife inventors of a new process to design life-saving drugs need to settle their differences in time to fight off a global corporation using espionage tactics to bury an invention that will save millions of lives.

    Jean-Marie Mazaleyrat Penpusher
    Added an answer on June 5, 2013 at 6:21 pm

    Hi dpg, Hi Tony Edard, The flaw you're talking about is related to the incitating incident, not to the plot. ;-)

    Hi dpg,
    Hi Tony Edard,

    The flaw you’re talking about is related to the incitating incident, not to the plot. 😉

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  2. Posted: June 3, 2013In: Public

    Clashing husband-and-wife inventors of a new process to design life-saving drugs need to settle their differences in time to fight off a global corporation using espionage tactics to bury an invention that will save millions of lives.

    Jean-Marie Mazaleyrat Penpusher
    Added an answer on June 5, 2013 at 6:13 pm

    Hi Tony Edward, I agree with you, all these things exists, ... but not in a conventional way, and this is also the reason why Alfred Hitchcock's logline is not conventional, I think: Acting in concert, birds start attacking people for no apparent reason? - The Hero is Melanie, but her hero's journeyRead more

    Hi Tony Edward,

    I agree with you, all these things exists,
    … but not in a conventional way, and this is also the reason why Alfred Hitchcock’s logline is not conventional, I think:
    Acting in concert, birds start attacking people for no apparent reason?

    – The Hero is Melanie, but her hero’s journey jumps straight from the ordinary world to the ordeal, then stops starting the road back without any elixir to take back
    – Her flaw is fear and helplessness…as for everyone around her
    – The conventional quest, conflict, antagonist (mother of the protagonist?s love) and stake seems to be very incidental into the movie compared to what happens.

    To clarify what I mean, I would like to make a comparison between THE BIRDS and JAWS, which has a strong conventional characterization:

    The general settings are very similar (people on a beach are attacked by dangerous animals)

    Here is JAWS logline:
    A police chief, with a phobia for open water, battles a gigantic shark to protect a small beach front community, in spite of its greedy town council who demands that the beach stay open?

    Who is the hero? The sheriff Brody
    What is the quest? Protect the community
    What is the hero flaw? He is aquaphobe (afraid by open water)
    Where is the conflict? With the mayor Vaughan
    What?s at stake? His job, his life
    Who is the antagonist? The mayor, then the shark (which is a natural force so we cannot match any “conflict” with it)

    Basically : The birds is the same as JAWS without the Sheriff Brody and the Mayor Vaughan.

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  3. Posted: June 3, 2013In: Public

    Clashing husband-and-wife inventors of a new process to design life-saving drugs need to settle their differences in time to fight off a global corporation using espionage tactics to bury an invention that will save millions of lives.

    Jean-Marie Mazaleyrat Penpusher
    Added an answer on June 5, 2013 at 5:29 pm

    Hi fellows, I don't think so: -The first ten pages are the way to make your reader consider the rest up to the last ten, and if he don't like the latter, there is no chance that your story can be seen by anybody without being rewritten.

    Hi fellows,

    I don’t think so:

    -The first ten pages are the way to make your reader consider the rest up to the last ten, and if he don’t like the latter, there is no chance that your story can be seen by anybody without being rewritten.

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