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When an underprivileged Pakistani boy is murdered by his richer and more influential counterpart, his friends set on a journey to seek justice in a corrupt world designed to protect those in power. But is it justice they seek or revenge?
Question - if the lawyer is trying to "seek justice" in court system, then isn't that in a way "revenge" since he's connected to the victim? Also, I would omit the "inspiring" and leave it at "Based on the true story of ..." I don't think the moral dilemma is compelling enough - there needs to be aRead more
Question – if the lawyer is trying to “seek justice” in court system, then isn’t that in a way “revenge” since he’s connected to the victim? Also, I would omit the “inspiring” and leave it at “Based on the true story of …”
I don’t think the moral dilemma is compelling enough – there needs to be a stronger goal even if it’s internalized.
“Based on the true story of , a young attorney, who seeks to avenge the death of his best friend at the hands of a corrupt Karachi politician.”
See lessWGA Registration Number: 1680921 An older black woman who suffers from insomnia. She is afraid to fall asleep because once she does she is placed inside a real life threatening situation that she must save the ones involved or they will all die. She tries to convince friends what is happening… They think she is loosing her mind and want to put her into a mental asylum to get help…The only way she is able to awake is when they are brought to safety…..
Agreed - including the WGA# screams "amateur" so make sure you exclude this from your submissions. Also you need to consolidate your story into a one (no more than two) sentence "elevator pitch". Here's what I've whipped together using your submission and making some assumptions: "Rita suffers fromRead more
Agreed – including the WGA# screams “amateur” so make sure you exclude this from your submissions. Also you need to consolidate your story into a one (no more than two) sentence “elevator pitch”. Here’s what I’ve whipped together using your submission and making some assumptions:
“Rita suffers from insomnia, but only because she refuses to sleep where each minute in REM feels like a lifetime spent deep in her psyche. In this dream state, she must save friends and family from death that is ultimately mirrored in the real world.”
This is a quick winger, but hopefully it could serve as a template that will need tightening through several iterations.
See lessA girl is pulled over by the police officer who raped her mother 5 years ago. Out of sheer panic she tries to escape.
Agreed with Richiev - you've presented a scene. Without knowing much about your intended storyline: "Amanda, a small town teenager, fights for her life when she crosses paths with her mother's rapist who hides behind the badge." Best to identify protagonist by name, present the tension, reveal the aRead more
Agreed with Richiev – you’ve presented a scene. Without knowing much about your intended storyline:
“Amanda, a small town teenager, fights for her life when she crosses paths with her mother’s rapist who hides behind the badge.”
Best to identify protagonist by name, present the tension, reveal the antagonist, and perhaps add the time/location, if important, and an extra layer of tension created by a deadline (the ticking time bomb).
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