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Creative youth in search of the spark that will change their lives
This doesn't tell us enough of what we need to know. Ok the lead character is a creative youth, his goal is to find the spark, the reasons are to change his life but it doesn't give us a reason to route for anyone. Is the spark defended by evil flying pandas? If so then we instantly worry this guy wRead more
This doesn’t tell us enough of what we need to know. Ok the lead character is a creative youth, his goal is to find the spark, the reasons are to change his life but it doesn’t give us a reason to route for anyone. Is the spark defended by evil flying pandas? If so then we instantly worry this guy won’t defeat them and it creates an obstacle. For all we know at the minute the spark is the other side of the room and he’s going to stroll over and pick it up.
I see you’ve put it down as a docu-drama but there still needs to be something that potentially stands in their way and this should be mentioned in the log line.
See lessAfter waking up human, the former Angel of Darkness recruits a supernatural team to steal Pandora's Box from Lucifer.
Yeah I think after what you have written you need to have a 'before....' like they have to get the box before the world explodes for instance. At the minute we don't know why he needs to steal the box and how that has relevance with him waking as a human.
Yeah I think after what you have written you need to have a ‘before….’ like they have to get the box before the world explodes for instance. At the minute we don’t know why he needs to steal the box and how that has relevance with him waking as a human.
See lessWhen a colonisation crew of four escaping a threatened earth, awakens by ship failure, a useless artist must save the mission and mankind from a captain, incorrectly believing one of them isn?t human.
You've definitely given us the information we need but I do think it could be trimmed: Whilst escaping a threatened Earth an inept artist must protect the small crew when the Captain begins to suspect one of them isn't human. This is a bit of a rushed attempt but I still think it gives us the same dRead more
You’ve definitely given us the information we need but I do think it could be trimmed:
Whilst escaping a threatened Earth an inept artist must protect the small crew when the Captain begins to suspect one of them isn’t human.
This is a bit of a rushed attempt but I still think it gives us the same detail in less of a sentence. Don’t think you need mission and mankind as it doesn’t sound like they’re on a mission simply escaping Earth. Also why is it an artist? I don’t think you need the ship failure in their either as they are already stranded in space so this could just be a turn within the bigger story.
Hope this helps.
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