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After his wife is killed by a rival street gang, a reformed criminal follows his dreams to teach music. But when a school shooting forces lockdown, he must protect a disabled protege.
I'm trying to understand what the major relevance is of protecting this disabled protege? Will it help him achieve an internal goal? It feels like the two sentences don't match up. Would a former criminal be allowed to teach in a school? And what is the importance of his wife being killed to why heRead more
I’m trying to understand what the major relevance is of protecting this disabled protege? Will it help him achieve an internal goal? It feels like the two sentences don’t match up. Would a former criminal be allowed to teach in a school? And what is the importance of his wife being killed to why he has to defend a disabled protege?
See lessWhen team of zombie fighting monsters lose their commander an overzealous commando orders them to protect a solitary human that could save their food source from extinction.
It is a very intriguing logline and yes it is a little complex but I think that adds to the point. I already know what genre and tone to expect from the words used in the logline so I think that works well. Richiev's point is right but that is just a rearrangement or punctuation check that is neededRead more
It is a very intriguing logline and yes it is a little complex but I think that adds to the point. I already know what genre and tone to expect from the words used in the logline so I think that works well. Richiev’s point is right but that is just a rearrangement or punctuation check that is needed so no big deal. The line works well.
See lessWhen a meticulous hitman kills the wrong target, he has only two hours to figure out who betrayed him before the Mob takes its brutal revenge.
You know I think this is really good. It's tight, gives us the main through thread, and hints at subplots which will involve him finding out what is going on. I can see you've done a lot of rewrites but to me this is the strongest.
You know I think this is really good. It’s tight, gives us the main through thread, and hints at subplots which will involve him finding out what is going on. I can see you’ve done a lot of rewrites but to me this is the strongest.
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