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After a discovery of time-travelling, genius scientist uncover that reckless agency creates multiple dimensions and gather mineral resources from past to present, which will lead to dimensional collapse unless he stops them.
It gives us a 'baddie', it gives a problem and it gives a stake but no main character has been established and it is just too much. It reads like waffle and that needs to be sorted fast as it is tough to read only a few lines. I can gather the principle but it really isn't clear and this will put soRead more
It gives us a ‘baddie’, it gives a problem and it gives a stake but no main character has been established and it is just too much. It reads like waffle and that needs to be sorted fast as it is tough to read only a few lines. I can gather the principle but it really isn’t clear and this will put some people off.
Have another go and try to simplify it.
See lessAn investigative journalist discovers the strangest story of his career after he stumbles on a mysterious mansion in the woods, guarded by the military.
It does intrigue, especially with the military group, but with it simply being a strange story it doesn't make me particularly care for the lead character. Is it his last chance to gain a top story? Does he have a reputation to keep up? Is it his first story and he has to make an impression? I thinkRead more
It does intrigue, especially with the military group, but with it simply being a strange story it doesn’t make me particularly care for the lead character. Is it his last chance to gain a top story? Does he have a reputation to keep up? Is it his first story and he has to make an impression? I think there needs to be more reason why this journalist is so desperate to get this story.
See lessWhen an honest high school football star kills a young woman while driving drunk, his morals are put to the test when those he respects cover up the crime.
I think it does have legs. These are the kind of stories I like to write, full of irony and conflict simply from the logline. Like the premise for Flight (which is different when you see it) about the pilot who saves hundreds but it turns out he was drunk! Instantly it is full of dramatic irony andRead more
I think it does have legs. These are the kind of stories I like to write, full of irony and conflict simply from the logline. Like the premise for Flight (which is different when you see it) about the pilot who saves hundreds but it turns out he was drunk! Instantly it is full of dramatic irony and I think you have that here as well.
I think as the story develops the log line may change slightly but certainly think it is a good start. It could possibly be trimmed somewhere but I’m not sure where yet, possibly in the final line I reckon it could be slightly shorter and tighter but that would be my only small jibe.
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