1. Posted: February 8, 2013In:

    Gwen lives her simple life in the Empire, until she is attacked by a Rogue Empowered. With her guardian kidnapped and the fate of everyone she loves depending on her forgotten Powers, will she remember her past or will she keep on Running?

    Kriss Tolliday

    Richiev's advice is very good, I would take note. The log line is a bit of a mess, it doesn't flow very well and needs to be snappier in order to draw in people's attention. Also the end line makes little sense as you've never said she is on the run so why would she keep running? Also what is her paRead more

    Richiev’s advice is very good, I would take note.

    The log line is a bit of a mess, it doesn’t flow very well and needs to be snappier in order to draw in people’s attention. Also the end line makes little sense as you’ve never said she is on the run so why would she keep running? Also what is her past?

    My take on the story at the minute is she has left a futuristic/ancient city and has to return to protect her guardian but it is all a set up??

    See less
    • 0
  2. Posted: February 6, 2013In:

    A self absorbed prison guard who's former high school girlfriend is taken hostage by a violent inmate, must revert to the barbaric mindset that delivered him from the war in Afghanistan if he is to save her.

    Kriss Tolliday

    This log line has a lot of impact. It intrigues and is ironic in that this prison guard will have to become bad to save the day. Nice job. My only worry is that it sounds a little 'wordy' but other than that it does hold all the elements. Keep re-writing and try and trim slightly but you're definiteRead more

    This log line has a lot of impact. It intrigues and is ironic in that this prison guard will have to become bad to save the day. Nice job. My only worry is that it sounds a little ‘wordy’ but other than that it does hold all the elements. Keep re-writing and try and trim slightly but you’re definitely on the right track.

    See less
    • 0
  3. Posted: February 3, 2013In:

    When he gets drafted to participate in a match to the death against Spetsnaz, Ex-SEAL Trent must win the battle if he is ever to see his wife again.

    Kriss Tolliday

    This is quite vague and seems to describe a scene or sequence as opposed to a film. Why has he been entered to fight? What is the world they live in like? Is it just one fight or is it a series of obstacle like The Running Man? The main journey of the film has to be highlighted in this log line andRead more

    This is quite vague and seems to describe a scene or sequence as opposed to a film. Why has he been entered to fight? What is the world they live in like? Is it just one fight or is it a series of obstacle like The Running Man? The main journey of the film has to be highlighted in this log line and so far I feel it is just a segment.

    See less
    • 0