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After a hostage is taken in botched drug heist it falls to his insecure gangland girlfriend to unravel the truth from the lies and get her man out alive.
I don't particularly think it needs to be stated who the bad guy is considering it will be the hostage takers. The line does give you a presence of an antagonist even though they aren't named. Also do you need to put 'truth for the lies'? Could it not just be 'unravel the truth'? Just thinking it isRead more
I don’t particularly think it needs to be stated who the bad guy is considering it will be the hostage takers. The line does give you a presence of an antagonist even though they aren’t named.
Also do you need to put ‘truth for the lies’? Could it not just be ‘unravel the truth’? Just thinking it is less words again and already makes it obvious there is much fibbing going on.
The log line is shaping up nicely but I personally feel there are a few phrases to work on such as the opening few words.
Keep going though it will get there.
See lessAfter witnessing her boyfriends set up in a drug heist gone wrong a naive gangland girlfriend must unravel the truth behind what went down if she's going to get either of them out alive.
It is slightly repetitive, I think what Richiev has done with it is trimmed out all the unnecessary chunks and tightened it up considerably. I would use their suggestion and put your own stamp on it somehow.
It is slightly repetitive, I think what Richiev has done with it is trimmed out all the unnecessary chunks and tightened it up considerably.
I would use their suggestion and put your own stamp on it somehow.
See lessWhile fighting with a group of survivors against deadly man-eating monsters inside the underground laboratory, Rita is trying to find her missing brother. Version 2
I think the first line is slightly muddled. I wouldn't say 'Whilst fighting with a group of survivors....' I would actually start it like Shark has suggested. That way we learn more about the story faster. It isn't a bad attempt but think you need to trim and merge some of it together.
I think the first line is slightly muddled. I wouldn’t say ‘Whilst fighting with a group of survivors….’ I would actually start it like Shark has suggested. That way we learn more about the story faster.
It isn’t a bad attempt but think you need to trim and merge some of it together.
See less