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EBABE confronts danger, finds romance, humor, and financial success during her buying and selling eventures online.
Yeah I think we need to know a lot more about what the story is. Does she have to remove herself from her desk and go into the real world o a mission to sell something? At the minute the story isn't very compelling and needs something in the log line other than a woman sitting at a computer all day.Read more
Yeah I think we need to know a lot more about what the story is. Does she have to remove herself from her desk and go into the real world o a mission to sell something?
At the minute the story isn’t very compelling and needs something in the log line other than a woman sitting at a computer all day.
Is it a film or a series? If it is a series this is like the overall story of the programme and each episode will have a different story to tell? I’m not really sure what it is and that needs to be clarified so readers aren’t confused.
See lessAfter stealing from his father, a selfish juvenile must survive in a hostile crowd as he seeks to purchase a pair of the hottest sneakers ever.
Will this be a type of quirky comedy based around the juvenile queuing for the trainers? It sounds like it is more of a short story as I'm not sure what else can come to it unless there were stories happening on his quest to the front of the queue. It tells us the overall point of the piece which isRead more
Will this be a type of quirky comedy based around the juvenile queuing for the trainers? It sounds like it is more of a short story as I’m not sure what else can come to it unless there were stories happening on his quest to the front of the queue.
It tells us the overall point of the piece which is good but it doesn’t have any depth and feel it needs a little more so it doesn’t just sound like a boy going to buy some trainers.
See lessTo provide for his disabled brother, a debt-coated dealer accepts a highly secretive job for a world famous chef, as purveyor of an illegal, secret ingredient.
I think what you have written needs to be boiled into the opening line and the following needs to state what he will gain back from doing it whilst giving something that is stopping him. 'A debt-ridden drug dealer accepts work of escorting illegal ingredients within food across the Country. With a cRead more
I think what you have written needs to be boiled into the opening line and the following needs to state what he will gain back from doing it whilst giving something that is stopping him.
‘A debt-ridden drug dealer accepts work of escorting illegal ingredients within food across the Country. With a cop hot on his tail he must provide his supply to a notorious drug lord or leave his disabled brother to fend for himself.’
I know this isn’t your full story but don’t know if this gives you any thought. It just tells us what he is going to be doing rather than just a scene of the movie.
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