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After one of them runs over his loving girlfriend while intoxicated, two teenage boys set off across the northern U.S. looking for a secure place to dump the body as soon as possible, while their friendship and criminal minds are tested.
I think you need to strip it down quite a bit. It sounds like a premise that could be put across in fewer words. I can see what the story is but at the minute is doesn't overly excite me and I think you need to add some kind of major twist or hook in there so it isn't just two boys looking for a plaRead more
I think you need to strip it down quite a bit. It sounds like a premise that could be put across in fewer words. I can see what the story is but at the minute is doesn’t overly excite me and I think you need to add some kind of major twist or hook in there so it isn’t just two boys looking for a place to dump a body.
See lessA greedy two-faced cop try to come back on the straight way after his wife is killed in a false police action organised with other corrupted cops.
This doesn't give us a story as such and more of the way a man will feel when something bad happens. It needs to say 'When a corrupt cop's wife is inadvertently murdered.....' and then go on to say how he will feel and what he will do to get over this. We need the log line to tell us the protagonistRead more
This doesn’t give us a story as such and more of the way a man will feel when something bad happens. It needs to say ‘When a corrupt cop’s wife is inadvertently murdered…..’ and then go on to say how he will feel and what he will do to get over this. We need the log line to tell us the protagonist’s journey, what will stop him from going on it and what he will lose if he doesn’t make it. At the minute we have the catalyst but not the journey.
See lessA sweet woman stops by her OCD neighbor's house to deliver him his mail only to wake up on a table seeing her neighbor with surgical tools.
This gives us a scene rather than an entire story. What is she going to have to do to escape? For all we know that is the end of the story so we need to know what she will have to do to escape. 'When a sweet elderly woman awakens on tied to her obsessive neighbours work table, she must find any meanRead more
This gives us a scene rather than an entire story. What is she going to have to do to escape? For all we know that is the end of the story so we need to know what she will have to do to escape.
‘When a sweet elderly woman awakens on tied to her obsessive neighbours work table, she must find any means of escape before being surgically experimented on.’
Don’t know if this helps but it gives more of a sense of a story instead of a scene.
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