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Expecting a big extortion payoff, an esteemed detective's last case forces him to protect his extortion partners and save his reputation.
For starters I think you need to get rid of one of the 'extortions' as best not to repeat yourself in such a short blurb. It would also be good to know if the last case has something to do with a former case or what the magnitude of the case is. The line you have done gives us the general outline buRead more
For starters I think you need to get rid of one of the ‘extortions’ as best not to repeat yourself in such a short blurb. It would also be good to know if the last case has something to do with a former case or what the magnitude of the case is. The line you have done gives us the general outline but might be good if you could go into a little more depth without adding too many more words.
See lessWith dreams of writing the next great American novel, a struggling author blackmails a middle-aged hitman for inspiration.
It would be intriguing to know how this writer will blackmail a hitman because it seems like the hitman might as well just kill the writer and save all the bother. However that does make it an interesting story to find out. I do agree with Richiev in a way though as it doesn't really fit together anRead more
It would be intriguing to know how this writer will blackmail a hitman because it seems like the hitman might as well just kill the writer and save all the bother. However that does make it an interesting story to find out. I do agree with Richiev in a way though as it doesn’t really fit together and the hitman needs to be involved more than just for inspiration. What are the consequences if he doesn’t write the next great American novel? What if they blackmail doesn’t work? We need to know a little more about what drives the story.
See lessWhen a devoted woman suspects infidelity in her husband and then realizes afterwards that she made a mistake, she must reverse a drastic decision she took to hurt him or their children die.
The opening line seems slightly clunky and the part 'and then realises afterwards that she made a mistake' needs to come later. When a devoted woman suspects infidelity in her marriage she makes a drastic decision that she must fight to prevent when she realises she has made a mistake. Something likRead more
The opening line seems slightly clunky and the part ‘and then realises afterwards that she made a mistake’ needs to come later.
When a devoted woman suspects infidelity in her marriage she makes a drastic decision that she must fight to prevent when she realises she has made a mistake.
Something like this trims some of the fat, it isn’t the correct log line as it is your story but think this is the way to go to avoid the issue with the opening line.
Hope this helps.
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