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When an idealistic free spirit discovers his best friend is terminally ill, he must inspire her through music to live, before she gives up hope.
I think this log line is pretty sound and gives us what could be an emotional story. I would however alter a few of the words though. After 'terminally ill', I would change it to 'he attempts to inspire her through music, before she gives up hope'. I think 'to live' is unneeded as it is obvious andRead more
I think this log line is pretty sound and gives us what could be an emotional story. I would however alter a few of the words though. After ‘terminally ill’, I would change it to ‘he attempts to inspire her through music, before she gives up hope’. I think ‘to live’ is unneeded as it is obvious and I would change ‘must’ as it is giving the solution where as ‘attempt’ shows that he is trying ways to inspire her instead of knowing the answer straight away.
That is my suggestion anyway, but other than that I think it works and provides us with an idea that potentially has a lot of heart.
See lessA sensitive murderer character of a novel faces agonizing dilemma when a mysterious reader wreaks havoc in the fictional world, forcing him to kill his friends as an exchange for letting him enter reality and start a new life.
The idea is really interesting but it think debbiemoon has given some great feedback. It does seem a little like the murderer is going to be told what to do and the reader has nothing to lose at all so there needs to be something that is making the reader continue doing what he's doing. Is the murdeRead more
The idea is really interesting but it think debbiemoon has given some great feedback. It does seem a little like the murderer is going to be told what to do and the reader has nothing to lose at all so there needs to be something that is making the reader continue doing what he’s doing. Is the murderer some how keeping him there? Why does the murderer want to step into reality? Is it that whatever the reader thinks or reads the murderer has to do? Why does the reader force the murderer to kill his friends?
The log line raises too many questions and not ones that intrigue the idea, ones the give a slight flaw in the story. The idea sounds complex so the log line really needs a lot of work in finding the central goal for both and focusing on that, whilst giving us the complex story. Lucius’ version beginning with a ‘when’ could be the way forward.
Also was confused by the sensitive murderer?! Didn’t really make sense as why is he sensitive but kills people?!
Good luck with it though.
See lessA family-owned country club is inherited by a college dropout who struggles to prove his ability to manage the ongoing escapades of a chaotic work environment.
I can understand the irony in a way. I guess the point is that it is a country club and the college-drop out is way out of his league trying to run it. It makes for a predictable arc, in that he will learn to run it, so I do think it works. I fail to recognise the genre though, and it feels like itRead more
I can understand the irony in a way. I guess the point is that it is a country club and the college-drop out is way out of his league trying to run it. It makes for a predictable arc, in that he will learn to run it, so I do think it works. I fail to recognise the genre though, and it feels like it could be a comedy sitcom as opposed to a film.
I think the log line needs strengthening as, although it is technically sound, it doesn’t really jump out and offer anything really fresh. It also doesn’t help that people are getting two different ideas about it so you need to focus on the main points of the story and make sure everyone understands the way you want to tell it.
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