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When a mysterious but overtly sexual bombshell begins crushing him at the local casino, a socially removed poker genius struggles to maintain his personal fortune, investors money and sanity under control.
I was also confused by the crushing. I take it he's going to struggle to compose himself due to her hotness! What genre is it? I think the idea works but your first attempt is a little word heavy and I agree with the others that certain descriptive words should be removed. Richiev's attempt is goodRead more
I was also confused by the crushing. I take it he’s going to struggle to compose himself due to her hotness! What genre is it?
I think the idea works but your first attempt is a little word heavy and I agree with the others that certain descriptive words should be removed.
Richiev’s attempt is good but think you need to create your own spin on it, as you know more of the story, so it doesn’t seem flat.
For your first one though it is a good start.
See lessThe Collection is military faction that enslaves those not born into their ranks and exterminates those who?ve tried to escape. While serving the resistance Claudia returns to her hometown to find her brother Deitrich, orphaned and alone. She deserts the command to take him to a rumored safe heaven, but now she must avoid capture from both the collection and the resistance force.
I agree with Lucius here. The first line needs to be shortened and within the log line. Maybe not even explain what they do and call them a 'mysterious force' or something as they will need a lot of words to explain and at the moment the log line is far too long. The idea definitely has scope but thRead more
I agree with Lucius here. The first line needs to be shortened and within the log line. Maybe not even explain what they do and call them a ‘mysterious force’ or something as they will need a lot of words to explain and at the moment the log line is far too long. The idea definitely has scope but think you need to find a way to condense what you have written and make sure Claudia is mentioned, problems at her home, and on the run from two heavy hitters. They’re the key elements and tell the story. Then I’d try to sew in some of the original aspects. It’s a lot in 25-30 words but I’m sure you can smash it.
See less4 high school students find themselves in three different time periods: one is in the past, two are in the present and the last is trapped in the future.
Like Richiev says you have told us the bare minimum but nothing about the journey being taken. For all we known they could be searching for a dog that has time jumped!!! I would lose the first line and make the second fit with the actual journey the four protagonists will be taking. PS I hope it isRead more
Like Richiev says you have told us the bare minimum but nothing about the journey being taken. For all we known they could be searching for a dog that has time jumped!!! I would lose the first line and make the second fit with the actual journey the four protagonists will be taking.
PS I hope it is to find a dog who has time jumped!!!
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