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When a disabled surgeon is appointed by the Queen's Secret Court to investigate murders in the ghettos of Future London, he must destroy an alien threat within the Aristocracy.
This sounds really good fun and something completely different. The genre is intriguing as seems like a mash up and something very unique to watch. Kudos on the idea. All I would say is the line maybe needs a little rearranging and I agree with TOAST that you should start with the setting as it bogsRead more
This sounds really good fun and something completely different. The genre is intriguing as seems like a mash up and something very unique to watch. Kudos on the idea. All I would say is the line maybe needs a little rearranging and I agree with TOAST that you should start with the setting as it bogs down the middle of the line and becomes slightly word heavy. Think all the details are there just needs a little reshuffling.
See lessA down on his luck middle-aged limo driver finds an unlikely ally in the famous actress he's been chauffeuring when he tries to reunite with his family and redeem a past transgression.
Well course a log line needs stakes otherwise there isn't a threat to their goal. In the log line you've mentioned regarding Jaws Chief Brody has to stop the monster killing again, which ultimately would make the area a worse place. All I'm suggesting here is that to look at what the limo driver staRead more
Well course a log line needs stakes otherwise there isn’t a threat to their goal. In the log line you’ve mentioned regarding Jaws Chief Brody has to stop the monster killing again, which ultimately would make the area a worse place. All I’m suggesting here is that to look at what the limo driver stands to lose as if he starts with nothing he has nothing to lose and I wont care if he reaches his goal.
I think the log line needs to establish a bit more of a story so we can know more about the characters. For example if a member of his family are dying and he decides to see them before they die it is a stake if he doesn’t get there in time and doesn’t see the family member and make amends. Is there something that makes the driver go back to his family, other than just wanting to?
See lessA down on his luck middle-aged limo driver finds an unlikely ally in the famous actress he's been chauffeuring when he tries to reunite with his family and redeem a past transgression.
This reads a little clunky and really needs tightening up. I would possibly lose the 'he's been chauffeuring' bit as people should get that anyway and the final section could possibly be merged together. It feel very written (if you know what I mean) and doesn't really hook me in at the moment. WhatRead more
This reads a little clunky and really needs tightening up. I would possibly lose the ‘he’s been chauffeuring’ bit as people should get that anyway and the final section could possibly be merged together. It feel very written (if you know what I mean) and doesn’t really hook me in at the moment.
What kind of connection will the two leads have? Romantic? What are the stakes of him not reuniting with his family? I know he won’t have his family but if he doesn’t at the moment then he isn’t losing anything more. The line needs something there to really highlight the troubles and the connection between the characters.
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