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Only one thing stands in the way of Alex and Marissa?s dream wedding: his obsessed ex-girlfriend.
It doesn't really tell us enough about the plot to be able to help with a hook. You've said her weird sense of humour comes back to help her keep her man but that isn't really much of a hook. If Marissa is the protagonist I would start with her in the log line. 'Marissa is about to embark on her weiRead more
It doesn’t really tell us enough about the plot to be able to help with a hook. You’ve said her weird sense of humour comes back to help her keep her man but that isn’t really much of a hook. If Marissa is the protagonist I would start with her in the log line.
‘Marissa is about to embark on her weird, yet wired dream wedding to Alex but first must prevent his obsessive ex-girlfriend from finding a way onto the guestlist.’
I know I don’t really know the story but I would be looking at presenting it something like this so that we know Marissa is the main character, her tastes are slightly weird, and the ex girlfriend is sniffing around.
Hope this helps.
See lessWhen the woman he loves is murdered by a cult, an alchemist in 18th Century France, the charismatic Count St Germain, becomes an immortal assassin in a tale of revenge, redemption and adventure.
This is much better, clearer, and more emotionally appealing then the last one you had put up. I'm intrigued to know how he becomes immortal though, wander if there is a way that can be added in, or would that give too much away? I would also end the log line as if you are still telling the story asRead more
This is much better, clearer, and more emotionally appealing then the last one you had put up. I’m intrigued to know how he becomes immortal though, wander if there is a way that can be added in, or would that give too much away? I would also end the log line as if you are still telling the story as opposed to saying ‘in a tale of…’ I would personally say ‘becomes an immortal assassin and sets off to seek horrifying revenge.’ Or something like that.
Overall though much better than before and has now become less generic and asks more important questions.
See lessAfter a secret cult of assassins kills the woman he loves, a charismatic alchemist in 18th Century France must hunt the assassins down before they kill him.
The plot of this seems quite generic, feel like it has been used many times and want to know something unique that will make this different to other films. You could perhaps say because it is in 18th Century France but in my eyes that doesn't seem enough. Why are they up for assassination? Is it a mRead more
The plot of this seems quite generic, feel like it has been used many times and want to know something unique that will make this different to other films. You could perhaps say because it is in 18th Century France but in my eyes that doesn’t seem enough. Why are they up for assassination? Is it a mistake? Are they bad people themselves? The basic premise is there but I want to know more.
See less