1. Posted: October 25, 2012In:

    A haughty Elvin princess with no love for humans, must leave her beloved sheltering woods, to find her brother before their father passes.

    Kriss Tolliday

    This seems like an interesting story. A good twist on a story we have kind of seen before, thinking Elf and films like it. Is the brother now a human? How come he is living in the world and she is not? Are these Elvin people noticeable among humans? It's a nice idea and a good log line just wander iRead more

    This seems like an interesting story. A good twist on a story we have kind of seen before, thinking Elf and films like it. Is the brother now a human? How come he is living in the world and she is not? Are these Elvin people noticeable among humans? It’s a nice idea and a good log line just wander if the term ,with no love for humans’ could be better. Is she afraid of them or have they done something to hurt her?

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  2. Posted: October 24, 2012In:

    A dreaded gangster falls in love with a girl whom he has been sent to kill.

    Kriss Tolliday

    This is way too vague. It tells us the bare minimum of the story but we need to know more as really it is just a man falls for a woman. Why is he a dreaded gangster? Why does he have to kill her? If he is a big gangster wouldn't he be giving the order to kill, s how would he become involved in a 'smRead more

    This is way too vague. It tells us the bare minimum of the story but we need to know more as really it is just a man falls for a woman. Why is he a dreaded gangster? Why does he have to kill her? If he is a big gangster wouldn’t he be giving the order to kill, s how would he become involved in a ‘small’ time job? If he falls for her what will he do to prove that she doesn’t deserve to die?

    The simple premise is there but it doesn’t tell us enough to make it interesting. If it was a hitman been hired to kill her his obstacles would be his boss. Needs to have more depth to this line.

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  3. Posted: October 23, 2012In:

    In a bankrupt city, with jobs on the line, old George and Phil must compete to be the fastest garbage men they've ever been. The young new guys are fast, but are they smart?

    Kriss Tolliday

    I understand the story from the log line but don't really feel that it is very catchy. I understand the stakes, the protagonists, the antagonists, and their goal but it seems a little flat and I can't really see where this premise can go. Is it going to be a comedy? I guess that from them being garbRead more

    I understand the story from the log line but don’t really feel that it is very catchy. I understand the stakes, the protagonists, the antagonists, and their goal but it seems a little flat and I can’t really see where this premise can go.

    Is it going to be a comedy? I guess that from them being garbage men as it isn’t a very glamorous job for two old men. If it is I think the logline has to have a little more humour in it as their journey doesn’t sound funny or very intriguing. Why do we want to see two old garbage men putting rubbish in the back of a lorry as fast as they can? Think of different words you can use, could it be that the old guys are struggling from becoming garbage men to refuse collectors? All has to be politically correct in today’s society haha

    Hope this helps Alex

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