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When Mouse, the smartest girl in school, and social outcast falls for the head cheerleader, Kat Sanders; She will have to pull every trick in the book to win her, the only trouble, Kat doesn't even know mouse exists… and likes boys.
The opening line had me confused and I was thinking 'I've seen all this before' but the final line completely changed that, and even made me chuckle! The title is also great. You have given us what we need to know in that she will be trying to convince Kat to stop looking for boys and that girls areRead more
The opening line had me confused and I was thinking ‘I’ve seen all this before’ but the final line completely changed that, and even made me chuckle! The title is also great.
You have given us what we need to know in that she will be trying to convince Kat to stop looking for boys and that girls are so much better. It has comic potential. think the opening of the log line though needs working on. Too many commas for starters so it confuses when you read. Make the first line grip you like the second and you will have an ace log line. I also like the irony in the mouse chasing the cat for a change. Has a lot of potential just think the opening line needs sorting as sounds unoriginal at first and people may stop reading before they get to the final line.
Hope this helps
See lessAn Animal Psychologist fakes a coma to honor his departed wife's final request of bringing their estranged kids home for Christmas.
The idea is different but it doesn't give us any hook as if this plan isn't going to work. Why might it fail? What is holding the kids back from returning home? Calling them kids as well makes me think they are really young but I'm presuming they're not. This opens a lot of questions, the ones I'veRead more
The idea is different but it doesn’t give us any hook as if this plan isn’t going to work. Why might it fail? What is holding the kids back from returning home? Calling them kids as well makes me think they are really young but I’m presuming they’re not.
This opens a lot of questions, the ones I’ve listed above plus; why can’t he just ring up and ask them? If their mother had just dies why wouldn’t they come home to be with their father? As well I go back to the stakes, what are the consequences if he fails to bring them back? And why an Animal Psychologist?
A few questions to think about as the log line gives us the basic but not much in the way of drama..
See lessA soldier?s struggle to free himself from his dark past, turns into a fight for survival as he tries to protect the ones he loves from a global uprising of undead monsters, while facing a slew of surviving adversaries with their own plans.
So far this sounds like something we have heard or seen before, there are a lot of zombie like movies out there so was wandering what is going to make this one stand above them? What is the big hook or irony? Do they have to be zombie's? can they not be a new generation of monster? Is it during a waRead more
So far this sounds like something we have heard or seen before, there are a lot of zombie like movies out there so was wandering what is going to make this one stand above them? What is the big hook or irony? Do they have to be zombie’s? can they not be a new generation of monster? Is it during a war that this is all played out?
The log line gives us the movie but doesn’t give us something to make us pick it over another zombie movie. Want to know what makes it fresh?
Hope this helps
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