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A young African-American woman and her family flee from her violent father in 1960s deep south. Amidst rock star fame in the 1970s, however, she discovers that she may be the very thing she had hated as a child.
The log line doesn't flow very well due to the opening sentence. Is there someway you can incorporate, in less words, the first sentence within the second? Something like: During her rock star fame an African-American woman, who suffered from an abusive childhood, discovers she has become the very tRead more
The log line doesn’t flow very well due to the opening sentence. Is there someway you can incorporate, in less words, the first sentence within the second? Something like:
During her rock star fame an African-American woman, who suffered from an abusive childhood, discovers she has become the very thing that frightened her as a child.
Does she become violent like her father was? Perhaps that could be added in instead of just saying the ‘very thing’. It also hints at internal stakes but could it be that she will lose her family from what she has become? Again maybe that should be added in. Think the description of the backstory needs to be cut down in order to let us know more of what is at stake for this character.
Help this helps
See lessWhen a search for Ned Kelly?s lost gold becomes a life or death battle, it is up to an introverted young Goth to stand up to the murderous local cop hunting them.
This raises a lot of questions. Why does the goth have to stand up to the cop? Is the goth searching for the gold as well or are they a look out? Is the cop hunting the gold? Is it life or death because there are a variety of groups hunting the gold? The first line of the log line, and the second doRead more
This raises a lot of questions. Why does the goth have to stand up to the cop? Is the goth searching for the gold as well or are they a look out? Is the cop hunting the gold? Is it life or death because there are a variety of groups hunting the gold?
The first line of the log line, and the second don’t seem to connect as of yet which confuses me as to what would be going on.
See lessAn idealistic detective must protect a witness from the corrupt cops of an outpost town after his witness kills a cop in self defence.
It does appeal in a way as I do like these sort of movies as they can be dark. I just think the log line can show us that it isn't going to be the same as others out there, it still will work as an idea. The witness being a woman was just my initial thinking and I'm not really sure why but it couldRead more
It does appeal in a way as I do like these sort of movies as they can be dark. I just think the log line can show us that it isn’t going to be the same as others out there, it still will work as an idea.
The witness being a woman was just my initial thinking and I’m not really sure why but it could work better then as he could develop feelings for her? Or like you said could it be a family member so his stakes become even higher so it isn’t just a witness. A woman might need to be protected more (like you said) where as a man who has already killed a cop might not need so much protecting.
Now you’ve explained the story more than it is different but think that needs to be fed into the log line so we realise that. Hope this helps.
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