1. Posted: September 29, 2012In:

    Hacker Dax lives free and profits from the system that controls most of society… until one of the MegaCorps design a digital virus that kills hackers who infiltrate their system. Dax is forced to lead a revolution to return control of knowledge back to the people, or die for leeching off them for so long.

    Kriss Tolliday

    I would agree with Andrew and also think ChasFisher's attempt sums it up better but still think that it can be even more condensed, You seem to have a very complex story that will be told throughout rather than set up in the opening, so you will have a lot to get into the short log line. I think youRead more

    I would agree with Andrew and also think ChasFisher’s attempt sums it up better but still think that it can be even more condensed, You seem to have a very complex story that will be told throughout rather than set up in the opening, so you will have a lot to get into the short log line. I think you need to really focus on the main element that the protagonist is going to have to do.

    ‘A brilliant hacker’s life is put at risk by a new virus which destroys those who disobey the system, causing the hacker to fight against the people he has been leeching off in order to prevent certain death.’

    Something like that although I know still a little all over the place. I think the idea is very interesting and definitely can go places.

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  2. Posted: September 28, 2012In:

    A young immigrant finds himself lost in Mexico City where he meets a charismatic street vendor who introduces him to selling pirate music in the city underground

    Kriss Tolliday

    It has something different about it and feel like I haven't seen this before however it doesn't state an antagonist for us to be weary of. Is there going to be a persistent cop who they continually have to run from? Is so I think this needs to be added in. I presume the stakes would be that they wouRead more

    It has something different about it and feel like I haven’t seen this before however it doesn’t state an antagonist for us to be weary of. Is there going to be a persistent cop who they continually have to run from? Is so I think this needs to be added in. I presume the stakes would be that they would end up in jail so I would say you need to mention that a cop is breathing down their necks and that jail looms if they are caught. At the minute it doesn’t feel like it would fill an entire feature but the idea is definitely a good start.

    Hope this helps

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  3. Posted: September 27, 2012In:

    An inexperienced lawyer must defend his family and his client from an egotistical journalist's stories that have convinced the World that this client hides a deadly identity, an identity the people are determined to erase.

    Kriss Tolliday

    Hi guys thank you so much for the comments and they both have helped. I'm a bit worried about giving too much away in the log line but now seeing that it is mainly for studios then I don't suppose it matters if I did say who it was. However in the film it will only be implied not actually stated. IRead more

    Hi guys thank you so much for the comments and they both have helped. I’m a bit worried about giving too much away in the log line but now seeing that it is mainly for studios then I don’t suppose it matters if I did say who it was. However in the film it will only be implied not actually stated. I have had another go at one, actually I have put two and I will post them below so would love some more feedback if you have time. Also A Dirt Of Hell is an anagram of the man’s identity he is accused of being. Perhaps you can guess it from that or maybe the following two log lines.

    ‘When a young defence lawyer’s client is accused of being a deadly dictator presumed dead he must quickly convince the world, and his Jewish family, of this client’s innocence before an egotistical journalist leads a mob to exact fateful revenge.’

    ‘A young defence lawyer’s family are put at risk after a persistent journalist convinces a Jewish community that his client is a deadly dictator presumed to be dead.’

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