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When a lost young man's mind is filled with memories of fallen heroes, he races against a dark mystic to find a powerful ancient relic that can save the realm or plunge it into darkness.
The opening doesn't really correspond to the ending. Why would a man having memories force him to save the realm from darkness? It doesn't make much sense so think you need to look at the opening of why must this character do this and what is in it for him. I would also avoid using dark again as youRead more
The opening doesn’t really correspond to the ending. Why would a man having memories force him to save the realm from darkness? It doesn’t make much sense so think you need to look at the opening of why must this character do this and what is in it for him. I would also avoid using dark again as you have it twice. Think of finding a different way of saying it.
See lessTwo brothers, one an ex-con and the other a divorced father of two kids, face the foreclosure of their family?s West Texas farm. They team for a skillfully-calculated bank robbing spree that puts them on a collision course with two Texas Rangers determined to take them down.
For starters this needs to be shortened. Is one of the siblings the main character or is this multi protagonist? Usually even in a multi-pro film one character still has the slight lead. I would mainly describe them and then state 'and their 'so & so' brother....' The goal is there and the stakeRead more
For starters this needs to be shortened. Is one of the siblings the main character or is this multi protagonist? Usually even in a multi-pro film one character still has the slight lead. I would mainly describe them and then state ‘and their ‘so & so’ brother….’
The goal is there and the stakes but it certainly needs shortening. I also have a few issues much like SydneyPaul above but I don’t need to say them again. Take a look at it again and think of the necessities. Hero, Villain, Problem, Goal, Stakes.
Hope this helps.
See lessAccused of a crime for revenge, a sensitive, feminine male struggles to keep his sanity while incarcerated in a small town county jail fully inhabited by a variety of unpredictable strangers.
I don't think you need the terms sensitive and feminine to describe the protagonist. Even though the goal is subtle I do think you have it in here which is good. To me the goal is to basically keep his head while his obstacles are the inmates. By the sounds of it this isn't a film of trying to escapRead more
I don’t think you need the terms sensitive and feminine to describe the protagonist. Even though the goal is subtle I do think you have it in here which is good. To me the goal is to basically keep his head while his obstacles are the inmates. By the sounds of it this isn’t a film of trying to escape the prison etc and really is a character study of this ‘fish out of water’? If so I think the log line works although I think it needs some rearranging to tighten it up.
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