Have an account? Sign In Now
Lost your password? Please enter your email address. You will receive a link and will create a new password via email.
Please briefly explain why you feel this question should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this user should be reported.
A team of app developers, on the verge of being shut down, discover an app that shows people how they will die,
Interesting premise. Is the company shutting down important to the story? If not, leave it off. "Discover" is too passive. Who is the main protag? Focusing on a group of characters instead of an individual dilutes the protag's storyline. What happens when they discover the app? Is there a better terRead more
Interesting premise.
Is the company shutting down important to the story? If not, leave it off.
“Discover” is too passive.
Who is the main protag? Focusing on a group of characters instead of an individual dilutes the protag’s storyline.
What happens when they discover the app?
Is there a better term for app?
This may not be your story but here’s my take:
When an ambitious software engineer inadvertently develops an app that predicts how and when people will die, he races against time when his wife’s death is foreseen.
Best of luck!
See lessOn the eve of imprisonment, under house arrest, convicted ponzi schemer ?Ferris Bueller? does not want to report to prison well rested.
Unless this is a personal writing exercise for you, writing an unauthorized sequel to copyrighted material is, bluntly, a waste of time. But if you can create an original story using the character of Bueller as an inspiration for your own original character, then I think you have a pretty good premiRead more
Unless this is a personal writing exercise for you, writing an unauthorized sequel to copyrighted material is, bluntly, a waste of time. But if you can create an original story using the character of Bueller as an inspiration for your own original character, then I think you have a pretty good premise. I like the idea of a felon going crazy wild on his last night of freedom. Has shades of After Hours, Desperately Seeking Susan. Although, if he’s under house arrest, does that mean his last night is spent in his home? A contained comedy? Why not have him escape, cut off his ankle bracelet and really go wild in the city while the cops go crazy trying to find him? Just a thought…
Best of luck!
See lessReturning home after five years away, Mary finds herself lost and disconnected from the people she once knew, until a visiting tourist shows her a side to the city and to herself she never knew.
"Returning home after five years away, Mary finds herself lost and disconnected from the people she once knew," - This is her internal journey but it's not very cinematically intriguing. "...until a visiting tourist shows her a side to the city and to herself she never knew." - This feels more likeRead more
“Returning home after five years away, Mary finds herself lost and disconnected from the people she once knew,” – This is her internal journey but it’s not very cinematically intriguing.
“…until a visiting tourist shows her a side to the city and to herself she never knew.” – This feels more like the meat of your story. If you can flesh out what actually happens when these two meet and what happens afterward, you’ll have a more enticing logline.
When you mention “the city”, I assume you mean NYC? For some reason, your logline reminded me of Before Sunrise.
Protag = Mary; try to avoid proper names, instead describe what she is. ex. disaffected woman, or even better, disaffected [insert occupation]
Antag = ?
Goal = reconnect with her family and friends? herself?
Stakes = more disaffection?
Hook = ?
Best of luck!
See less