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When his wife is kidnapped, a modern-day sorcerer (and NYC detective) hunts down her sadistic captor; but when the trail goes cold and even his supernatural friends can't help him, he must learn that love is the most powerful magic of all, before his wife is lost forever.
Simplicity is key in a logline but never let it get confusing due to lack of critical detail. I think that New York cops have a stigma of being pragmatic, tough and cynical more than others, perhaps thats just me. I also think if the story is placed on the streets of New York it makes for a more intRead more
Simplicity is key in a logline but never let it get confusing due to lack of critical detail.
I think that New York cops have a stigma of being pragmatic, tough and cynical more than others, perhaps thats just me. I also think if the story is placed on the streets of New York it makes for a more interesting setting for a super natural fantasy story as appose to the cliche setting of “in the woods” or “in a remote village”.
As previously mentioned best to describe a single goal at the end of a logline so; finding the wife, stopping the bad guy and preventing her being killed should all be described as a single goal. In my mind saving her life is the best and most economic way of doing this, as both finding her and stopping the bad guy are then implicit.
My suggestion for a re draft with a minor tweak:
See lessAfter his wife is kidnapped by a sadistic sorcerer a sceptic New York detective must work with a clairvoyant wizard to save her life.
When his wife is kidnapped, a modern-day sorcerer (and NYC detective) hunts down her sadistic captor; but when the trail goes cold and even his supernatural friends can't help him, he must learn that love is the most powerful magic of all, before his wife is lost forever.
World weary reads to me like a well traveled person that develops agoraphobia or a dislike to others not sure that is doing your character justice in this case. No need for "...before she is murdered?" at the end best to have one big goal describing your one A plot in a logline. Currently there areRead more
World weary reads to me like a well traveled person that develops agoraphobia or a dislike to others not sure that is doing your character justice in this case.
No need for “…before she is murdered?” at the end best to have one big goal describing your one A plot in a logline. Currently there are three goals; find her, stop the bad guy and save her life best to describe it all in one goal such as save her life.
Also the fantastical creatures will be allies or friends and don’t necessarily need to be in the logline.
The action the MC will take needs to push forward through obstacles and make him sound like a character in active pursuit of a goal “?rely?” is a lesser active verb than a more proactive one such as “work” or “use”.
Lastly the connection between the sorcerer and the inciting incident is vague, why need magic when the MC is a detective? What is different or special about this kidnapping that makes him want to do something so out of the ordinary as to work with a self proclaimed magic person?
Also sorcerer sounds like a bad kind of magic person where as wizard sounds more a positive good guy magic person, maybe thats just me though.
How about:
See lessAfter his wife is kidnapped by a sadistic sorcerer a cynical New York detective must work with a clairvoyant wizard to save her life.
When his wife is kidnapped, a modern-day sorcerer (and NYC detective) hunts down her sadistic captor; but when the trail goes cold and even his supernatural friends can't help him, he must learn that love is the most powerful magic of all, before his wife is lost forever.
Good points raised above I want to add the importance of specificity and clarity. I like the combination of super natural with detective stories but the character description needs to be specific in its relation to the obstacles. This way you can create more intrigue and when you come to write the sRead more
Good points raised above I want to add the importance of specificity and clarity. I like the combination of super natural with detective stories but the character description needs to be specific in its relation to the obstacles.
This way you can create more intrigue and when you come to write the script you have a good clear character and obstacle conflict to reference throughout the writing process.
For example; a faithless priest or superstitious scientist or drug addicted DEA officer etc…
Then let this contradiction stand in his way of achieving his goal this way you can see the inner journey as well as the outer one.
My try:
After his wife is kidnapped a cynical detective must rely on a clairvoyant to help him find her and catch the sadistic abductor.
This is not the same as your story because you want the detective to be the one with super natural/magic powers but it demonstrates the point I was making.
Hope this helps.
See less