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A deadly fungus outbreak at a secret UN lab brings special forces soldier to defy his orders to save an old love… and human kind.
How or in what way does a virus break out motivate the special forces soldier to reconcile his love affair. The two are just not connected to each other and lack the cause and effect relationship that an inciting incident and goal need. Adding maybe to the secondary goal dilutes its importance and iRead more
How or in what way does a virus break out motivate the special forces soldier to reconcile his love affair.
The two are just not connected to each other and lack the cause and effect relationship that an inciting incident and goal need.
Adding maybe to the secondary goal dilutes its importance and impact whilst presenting the main character as reluctant one.
What is this story about? The soldier’s love affair or him saving the world?
Pick one a draft the logline about that not two separate goals.
Looks to me like saving the world works better as it directly relates to the inciting incident because of one he must do the other. How ever this describes many zombie movies World War Z comes to mind as a very similar example to this. To that matter what is unique about this particular story that makes it stand aside from the rest?
See lessAs he chronicles one tenacious man’s fight to survive after a nuclear holocaust decimates life on Earth, a dedicated and determined alien observer must decide whether to obey or defy orders to terminate humanity.
Inciting incident - According to your last post the inciting incident is the destruction of Earth by man kind. This is not a good inciting incident as this takes place over many centuries as a result of many actions and events. Where as an inciting incident needs to be a single event done to the maiRead more
Inciting incident –
According to your last post the inciting incident is the destruction of Earth by man kind. This is not a good inciting incident as this takes place over many centuries as a result of many actions and events.
Where as an inciting incident needs to be a single event done to the main character by a force other than them selves.
Hero –
According to your last post “…one troubled survivor?” will be the main character one is implicit in the description no need to mention it.
Troubled is a generic none specific description that doesn’t describe a character flaw that will present an obstacle for the MC to achieve his goal. Almost all characters are troubled from Vito Corleone to Wayne Campbell question is, in what way is your character uniquely troubled that works best for this story?
Goal –
According to your last post the MC “…must convince them spare mankind and secure their future as a species?”
As a rule of thumb I normally say if I can’t describe the MC’s goal in less than three words it isn’t a good goal.
How will he convince a whole department of alien scientists? More importantly what will this look like? A camera will have to show this goal being achieved but how exactly?
Will he hold a summit and have lengthy discussions with the observers department heads? I just can’t see the climactic scene at the end of act 3 from this.
If he were to need to kill the alien leader who is an anti homo-sapien then the climactic scene will be just that. Otherwise to see a man try to convince a bunch of aliens that humans are good doesn’t sound cinematic, compelling or achievable in 110 minutes with a camera.
Stakes –
According to your last post the stakes are that “…alien observers are ordered to halt a 100,000-year experiment?” i.e do one thing, then “…collect viable specimens?” do a second thing, then “…terraform the planet?” do a third thing.
Which is it that most impacts the main character? Which will be his motivation?
See lessBecause there are several actions the aliens are ordered to take the plot is unclear because it isn’t explained what exactly the MC will be doing in the story.
When her ex-husband and the love of her life is killed by a vicious drug-manufacturing motorcycle gang, a letter-of-the-law undercover cop infiltrates the gang but must battle addiction and her moral code especially when her estranged 10 year old daughter is kidnapped by the gang.
This loglein is too long and wordy. As mentioned above the daughter's kidnapping is a better inciting incident but comes in at the end. Even if both events are in the story best to focus the logline on one plot which means one inciting incident. If this is the husband been taken then don't mention tRead more
This loglein is too long and wordy.
As mentioned above the daughter’s kidnapping is a better inciting incident but comes in at the end. Even if both events are in the story best to focus the logline on one plot which means one inciting incident. If this is the husband been taken then don’t mention the daughter’s kidnapping.
Her fighting her own addiction and moral code need not be mentioned all together. You can use the character description to indicate that she is an addict and will encounter harsh obstacles as a result.
As an example:
After her husband is killed by an outlaw gang an Ice addicted cop must go undercover in the gang to prevent them from killing her daughter.
Hope this helps.
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