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A kid named Jack who comes from a devout mormon family who all wear the infamous Magic Underwear starts going to kindergarten and starts getting bullied and after that he starts questioning his faith.
Nice one liner Richiev!
Nice one liner Richiev!
See lessA kid named Jack who comes from a devout mormon family who all wear the infamous Magic Underwear starts going to kindergarten and starts getting bullied and after that he starts questioning his faith.
No need for character names in a logline unless absolutely critical to the plot (i.e the character is Jesus for example). In addition to Richiev's comments the logline has some poorly worded actions and events as a result the logline is too wordy. The MC starts doing something three times: "...startRead more
No need for character names in a logline unless absolutely critical to the plot (i.e the character is Jesus for example).
In addition to Richiev’s comments the logline has some poorly worded actions and events as a result the logline is too wordy.
The MC starts doing something three times: “…starts going to kindergarten?”, “…starts getting bullied?”, “…starts questioning his faith?”.
In story a character doesn’t start to do anything he or she just do it. The MC goes to kindergarten then he is bullied and then he questions his faith. However, which of these actions is critical to the plot? Use the critical action and drop the others.
Hope this helps.
See lessA religious zealot grows the devil in the lab, using him to scare people back to the church, only to loose control of his creation.
Could it be that you mean to say that a religious person grows a creature in a lab that looks like the devil. Is this the case? If so then the logline needs to be re drafted to reflect this as it can change the genre of the story. If it is a created creature in a lab then this is a scifi story if itRead more
Could it be that you mean to say that a religious person grows a creature in a lab that looks like the devil. Is this the case?
If so then the logline needs to be re drafted to reflect this as it can change the genre of the story. If it is a created creature in a lab then this is a scifi story if it is the actual devil then it is a religious one.
Regardless the plot starts after he loess control over his creation be it what it may. So as mentioned above by FFF what happens then? What is his goal?
Hope this helps.
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