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When a frustrated public servant is fired from his meaningless job, he decides to become a masked vigilante, protecting his neighbourhood.
Agreed with all the above. Also what is at stake? What will happen if he doesn't protect the neighbourhood? What will happen if he does? Hope this helps.
Agreed with all the above.
Also what is at stake? What will happen if he doesn’t protect the neighbourhood? What will happen if he does?
Hope this helps.
See lessA solitary man unable to sleep for 15 years survives by recording everything he sees and playing it back to differentiate between reality and hallucinations, until he becomes the only witness of a multi million dollar crime and every single person wants to alter his reality.
As FFF mentions above the lack of specific events and character flaws makes for a vague description of the plot. Best to be more specific than less and describe the crime that is the inciting incident. Essentially everything mentioned prior to the crime is redundant in the logline. A bigger problemRead more
As FFF mentions above the lack of specific events and character flaws makes for a vague description of the plot. Best to be more specific than less and describe the crime that is the inciting incident. Essentially everything mentioned prior to the crime is redundant in the logline.
A bigger problem though is the lack of a goal, what does he ultimately want to achieve?
What does a solitary man mean? Is he socially inept? A monk? Suffers from Aspergers syndrome?
When you say unable to sleep, do you mean an insomniac? Because depending on the level of insomnia they do sleep only very little.
Or out right doesn’t sleep at all? If so he couldn’t survive for more than a few months and therefor 15 years sheds doubt of the basic logic of the premise.
Here is a cut down version:
After witnessing a master burglar steal the crown jewels a long term insomniac must help catch the thief as he struggles to tell reality from his hallucinations.
Hope this helps.
See lessFor years, something has lurked in the rugged gorges of the river country, Australia; terrifying, injuring or killing those who venture too deep, but when one man manages to escape with his life, he sets off a dramatic chain of events that will ultimately reveal the hidden truth.
This portion of the logline is back story and setup: "...For years, something has lurked in the rugged gorges of the river country, Australia; terrifying, injuring or killing those who venture too deep,?" The above shouldn't be in your logline. A logline focuses on the present progressive and eludesRead more
This portion of the logline is back story and setup: “…For years, something has lurked in the rugged gorges of the river country, Australia; terrifying, injuring or killing those who venture too deep,?”
The above shouldn’t be in your logline. A logline focuses on the present progressive and eludes to the future with the forward motion of a driving goal not the past.
“…a dramatic chain of events?” is a description of all stories ever told and therefore too vague. What is the actual chain of events that take place in your story? It is through their uniqueness that you will be able to structure your plot well and inspire intrigue when telling people about it.
Lastly what is the main character’s flaw this will make his journey an interesting one.
Hope this helps.
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