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Two brothers, Logan and Michael, are forced to fight against the Irish Mafia due to their father’s debt.
Also what is the starting point of the story? What is the inciting incident? This needs to directly relate to their goal which is what by the way? what do they actually need to achieve in their fight? Hope this helps.
Also what is the starting point of the story? What is the inciting incident?
This needs to directly relate to their goal which is what by the way? what do they actually need to achieve in their fight?
Hope this helps.
See lessWith crime at an all time high in Los Angeles a rookie DA begins receiving unsolicited advice from the ghost of famed prosecutor DA J. Miles Lenny as they fight to bring justice to the southland.
Bajasarah. Your recent redraft of the logline still lacks the basic elements needed to describe a plot. The main character is a DA this strait away ignites associative descriptions; hard working, smart, well educated, believes in doing the right thing, wants justice etc? The other descriptions are vRead more
Bajasarah.
Your recent redraft of the logline still lacks the basic elements needed to describe a plot.
The main character is a DA this strait away ignites associative descriptions; hard working, smart, well educated, believes in doing the right thing, wants justice etc?
The other descriptions are vague and generic: rookie?? So were Luke Skywalker, John Snow and Saul Goodman at some point therefore “?rookie?” adds too little to the specific character and flaw same goes for “?desperate?”.
What is it specifically in the main character’s personality that will be a unique obstacle for him to get over?
When pitching a series I find that most producers want a unique character as people watch TV for the characters. Then they want an ongoing situation i.e. premise because it’s the premise that will give the show longevity and therefore multiple seasons.
Draft a logline for the pilot that describes a unique character and sets up a clear and interesting premise.
MC – DA
Flaw – ?
Inciting incident – ?
Obstacle – ?
Goal – ?
Antagonist – ?
As people have said before court room and paranormal sounds interesting this is a good start.
See lessHow about:
After a heavily sceptic DA survives a car crash ghosts of dead prosecutors give him unusually helpful advice as he fights to put a notorious ring leader away in a gang ravaged South Central LA.
As he chronicles one tenacious man’s fight to survive after a nuclear holocaust decimates life on Earth, a dedicated and determined alien observer must decide whether to obey or defy orders to terminate humanity.
There appears to be a few fundamental problems with this concept. Fundamental problems such as these that are not resolved are often indicative of faulty concepts. Please forgive my candidness (few appreciate strait forward feedback). The first and most glaring problem is the mix of plots - You seamRead more
There appears to be a few fundamental problems with this concept. Fundamental problems such as these that are not resolved are often indicative of faulty concepts.
Please forgive my candidness (few appreciate strait forward feedback).
The first and most glaring problem is the mix of plots –
You seam to have one plot; guy fights aliens to save humanity and another plot guy saves girl.
First and foremost decide which plot this story should be and structure the logline to that.
The second is that you are trying to re tell the story from a book –
If you decide to adapt a book to screen you will need to make any necessary changes required for screen, this doesn’t seam to be the case here as you keep referring back to the original novel.
The third problem is the basic structure of a logline –
Loglines are tools we use to either convey a plot for pitching purposes or aid in the structuring of a plot for writing purposes they also help us identify flawed concepts that are not worth pursuing.
There are subtle differences between the types of log lines according to function but the basic structure is the same.
Here is a link to a page that explains this basic structure:
https://loglines.org/howto/
In short try to prioritise clarity in a logline by specifying a main character with a flaw that experiences a significant event that causes him or her to need to take action to achieve a goal. Most of these elements do not exist in many of the iterations of your logline.
See less