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When a woman and her newborn are placed into quarantine, feared they are infected by the darkness which has devastated their homeworld. She escapes and gains the support of followers to free her twisted child from the prime evil which is bent on possessing their entire species.
Your descriptions are still too vague for a logline even in the second draft it is unclear what kind of person the main character is, what action she will take and what the antagonist is like. Don't be afraid in these early stages of devaluing too much information as it looks like you are still struRead more
Your descriptions are still too vague for a logline even in the second draft it is unclear what kind of person the main character is, what action she will take and what the antagonist is like.
Don’t be afraid in these early stages of devaluing too much information as it looks like you are still structuring this story.
Are you yet to start writing the script or are you now working on the pitch for a completed script?
No need to add many words to your logline rather focus the words to describe very specific story critical plot points.
Your main character is the mother, but;
What is her flaw?
What event starts her off on her journey?
Is her goal to stop the alien from taking over the inhabitants or save her children?
Are the inhabitants humans on earth or another species on another planet?
What does a “…prime evil…” mean in the context of this story?
What other description can you use for the antagonist?
Use the answers to these questions to structure a new draft of the logline.
Hope this helps.
See lessBased on true events. ?When a decorated Luftwaffe officer and his family on holiday accidently end up in Nazi death camp Treblinka, they must convince the cruel camp commandant to spare their lives.”
The notion of bulking up the plot doesn't refer solely to an escape plan, that was just one idea I put in a post, it refers to a lacking in action predominantly in act 2. When I write action I don't necessarily mean physical action such as fighting and running rather exchanges of beats between charaRead more
The notion of bulking up the plot doesn’t refer solely to an escape plan, that was just one idea I put in a post, it refers to a lacking in action predominantly in act 2. When I write action I don’t necessarily mean physical action such as fighting and running rather exchanges of beats between characters.
The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas is a great example of actions taken by characters according to the beats of the story. Whether it was the father and mother arguing about the best place for them to raise their children Nazi death camp with their father or the city away from the father. The sister and her love interest being disappointed with his true nature and changing her mind about him. And of course the MC wanting to find a friend to play with, betraying him and then making amens for his betrayal with dire consequences.
Point is there was a sequence of events and actions that all related to the meaning of the story at large as a result the separate sub plots comprised of these events affected each other. In my opinion the current draft of the logline doesn’t describe enough detail that alludes at multiple plot lines sustaining the grander story in such a way.
For example:
Based on true events. When a Luftwaffe officer and his family on holiday accidently end up in death camp Treblinka, they must learn how to survive their incarceration in an attempt to convince the camp commandant to spare their lives.”
Am sure it can be done better and it isn’t much but by adding in their needing to learn to survive it hints that there is more to this story beyond a series of conversations between the family and the commandant.
See lessA shy artist from Togo who has just made his secondary education wants to begin studying the art, but is sent by his parents to Germany in order to secure the financial survival of the large family. If its existence, however, blows up, he can forget all his dreams- and his family has to live in poverty.
Agreed with the above try simplifying it to the main character and what he wants then add in the reason he cant have it. Only after this simplified version add a description of his character. To help with this try taking out; "who has just made his secondary education wants to begin studying the artRead more
Agreed with the above try simplifying it to the main character and what he wants then add in the reason he cant have it. Only after this simplified version add a description of his character.
To help with this try taking out; “who has just made his secondary education wants to begin studying the art, ” and use him being sent away to work as his inciting incident.
Hope this helps.
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