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With most of his Arctic drilling barge crew dead, an up-and-coming oil exec struggles to manage the crisis ?by the book?, but a primordial fungus brought up from under the ice begins to infect the staff of the local hospital turning them into violent sexual predators furiously spreading their spores.
As previously posted on a former draft better to start with the inciting incident of the main plot. If this is the exec fighting the fungus then: After a primordial fungus kills half his crew a by the book oil company executive [does something worth watching him do] to [achieve a compelling and visuRead more
As previously posted on a former draft better to start with the inciting incident of the main plot.
If this is the exec fighting the fungus then:
After a primordial fungus kills half his crew a by the book oil company executive [does something worth watching him do] to [achieve a compelling and visual goal].
“…begins to infect the staff of the local hospital turning them into violent sexual predators furiously spreading their spores.” is probably redundant.
Better to just describe the main plot and hint at character archs with in a logline. Also “…struggles too…” or “…deals with…” are indeed weak descriptions of an action in a story. Better to describe specifically the way in which he fights the fungus.
See lessWith most of his Arctic drilling barge crew dead, an up-and-coming oil exec struggles to manage the crisis ?by the book?, but a primordial fungus brought up from under the ice begins to infect the staff of the local hospital turning them into violent sexual predators furiously spreading their spores.
Sexual predators could be a problem then.
Sexual predators could be a problem then.
See lessWith most of his Arctic drilling barge crew dead, an up-and-coming oil exec struggles to manage the crisis ?by the book?, but a primordial fungus brought up from under the ice begins to infect the staff of the local hospital turning them into violent sexual predators furiously spreading their spores.
Sexual predators could be a problem then.
Sexual predators could be a problem then.
See less