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A 19th century jaded farm boy finds an alien ring and is thrown back and forth in time: but on his way back, the boy encounters love, wisdom and, of course, evil time-travelling twins working for a malicious time-crime boss.
I believe the inciting incident would be the lead character becoming captive in time.As a result the lead must find a way back to his own timeline as a goal. While it may seem like finding the ring is the inciting incident, the ring is just the plot device. It could have been a magic brooch, discoveRead more
I believe the inciting incident would be the lead character becoming captive in time.
As a result the lead must find a way back to his own timeline as a goal. While it may seem like finding the ring is the inciting incident, the ring is just the plot device. It could have been a magic brooch, discovering HG Wells laboratory or anything.
How about this attempt:
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“When he becomes trapped in time, a naive farm boy must discover how to get back to his own timeline, all while evading malicious time-boss who’s after the alien artifact he discovered.”
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Hope that helped, good luck with this.
See lessWhen he receives his visa to the US, a struggling poet returns back home to resolve issues with his overbearing mother and confront the death of his terminally ill sister before departing his country.
Ok, I may get off track here but it would be good if the lead character had something to do. perhaps something like this: ----- "When his terminally ill sister asks him to plan her funeral, a struggling poet returns to his dreaded childhood home and must deal with his overbearing mother who opposesRead more
Ok, I may get off track here but it would be good if the lead character had something to do. perhaps something like this:
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“When his terminally ill sister asks him to plan her funeral, a struggling poet returns to his dreaded childhood home and must deal with his overbearing mother who opposes his every plan for the event.”
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I know yours will be different, however ‘resolving issues’ is kind of vague, so if your character has to ‘do’ something in the story I would focus on that for the logline.
{On a side note. Since your lead is a struggling poet, I would end with him writing a poem for his sister that breaks him out of his writer’s block. In her death he writes his greatest works. It would also be great if his sister was his biggest fan, she always believed in him, even when he struggled as a poet. That would make the poem he writes for her even more poignant} (That is just a thought)
See lessA Russian Orthodox farmer torches his home and leaves with his dog hours before Operation Barbarossa and the Nazis invade Russia.
The end? As described in the logline, it would appear to be a 5 minute movie? He get's some Gasoline, some matches burns his house then leaves with the dog... The End. Where's the conflict? Is someone trying to stop him from burning his house? Is he in a wheel chair an cannot reach the matches on thRead more
The end?
As described in the logline, it would appear to be a 5 minute movie? He get’s some Gasoline, some matches burns his house then leaves with the dog… The End.
Where’s the conflict?
Is someone trying to stop him from burning his house?
Is he in a wheel chair an cannot reach the matches on the top shelf?
What is standing in the way of his goal of burning down his house?
You have given us the inciting incident: The Nazi invasion.
You have given us the character’s goal: Burning down his house
You simply haven’t given us any conflict, something that stands in the way of the character achieving his goal.
Hope that helped, good luck with this!
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