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"Set in a futuristic world where humans are controlled by their fascist government, a career criminal gets drawn into a deadly plot when he rescues a upper class woman from the secret police and has to depend on her to survive."
The lead character ("Has to depend on her to survive") isn't very proactive in this logline. I would try a re-write. What does the lead character want. Revolution, escape, to to work from within to topple the system. kjk11 is right. What's the lead's goal? Then add it to the logline. Hope that helpeRead more
The lead character (“Has to depend on her to survive”) isn’t very proactive in this logline. I would try a re-write.
What does the lead character want. Revolution, escape, to to work from within to topple the system. kjk11 is right. What’s the lead’s goal? Then add it to the logline.
Hope that helped, good luck with this!
See lessAfter the earth is attacked by Aliens, Gabriel must lead a small group of commando angels into their deadly spacecraft and destroy it before the human race is obliterated.
Very good point DPG
Very good point DPG
See lessAfter the earth is attacked by Aliens, Gabriel must lead a small group of commando angels into their deadly spacecraft and destroy it before the human race is obliterated.
Good rewrite, it's both more clear and shorter, good job almiiitey. I didn't realize it wasn't clear that I was talking about the Archangel Gabriel. Gabriel has been charged by God to be earths protector. He failed years ago when the aliens attacked Atlantis and the human race was almost killed off.Read more
Good rewrite, it’s both more clear and shorter, good job almiiitey.
I didn’t realize it wasn’t clear that I was talking about the Archangel Gabriel.
Gabriel has been charged by God to be earths protector. He failed years ago when the aliens attacked Atlantis and the human race was almost killed off. He’s out to redeem himself.
Thanks for the comments, they were very helpful!
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