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When a young boy would rather live in his daydreams than face the harsh truth of his bullied school boy existence, his teacher and parents must rescue him before he is lost forever.
Oops, I just re-read my logline, It doesn't need the word 'into' and 'Lost' is a stronger word than forever and I should have ended with it. ----- "When her son enters a dream state after being bullied, a determined mother must discover a way to reach him before he's forever lost." ----- I am not quRead more
Oops, I just re-read my logline, It doesn’t need the word ‘into’ and ‘Lost’ is a stronger word than forever and I should have ended with it.
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“When her son enters a dream state after being bullied, a determined mother must discover a way to reach him before he’s forever lost.”
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I am not quite happy with the word ‘reach’ but can’t think of a better one at the moment.
When a young boy would rather live in his daydreams than face the harsh truth of his bullied school boy existence, his teacher and parents must rescue him before he is lost forever.
"When her son enters into a dream state after being bullied, a determine mother must discover a way to reach him before he's lost forever."
“When her son enters into a dream state after being bullied, a determine mother must discover a way to reach him before he’s lost forever.”
See lessWhen a hitman, who talks in his sleep, confesses to multiple murders to a hooker with a big mouth, the people who hired him and the police are out to catch him.
I like this idea, It has potential for a lot of fun. My only critique of the logline; Since the hitman's the lead character I would keep the logline from his perspective the whole way through. "...the people who hired him and the police are out to catch him" implies they are the ones taking action.Read more
I like this idea, It has potential for a lot of fun.
My only critique of the logline; Since the hitman’s the lead character I would keep the logline from his perspective the whole way through.
“…the people who hired him and the police are out to catch him” implies they are the ones taking action.
I would change that so he is the one taking action:
“… he must evade both the mob boss that hired him and the police if he wants to live”
Now it’s from the perspective of the lead doing something.
Hope that helped, good luck with this!
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