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After the arrest of a missionary who lives with him, an ostracized amateur-Christian seeks justice in a fetish cultural island where there is no rule of law.
First, I would up the stakes a bit. He's trying to save the missionary that lives with him. I would change that to; 'best friend', 'Brother', or someone that we can feel invested in. Second; you say ostracized which implies at one point he may have been a priest but was kicked out. Therefore I wouldRead more
First, I would up the stakes a bit.
He’s trying to save the missionary that lives with him. I would change that to; ‘best friend’, ‘Brother’, or someone that we can feel invested in.
Second; you say ostracized which implies at one point he may have been a priest but was kicked out. Therefore I would use the term former priest instead of amateur-christian.
Not sure what fetish-culture-island means. An island where the inhabitants are really turned on by feet??? I would try to clarify some way.
You say the lead seeks justice, He’s trying to get a hearing of some sort? It’s good that you have added what the lead is trying to do and seeking justice is perfectly acceptable. I was just wondering, because in an island with no rule of law, you would think he would just try to help his friend escape.
Hope that helped, good luck with this
See lessAfter the arrest of a missionary who lives with him, an ostracized amateur-Christian seeks justice in a fetish cultural island where there is no rule of law.
Held prisoner would also work
Held prisoner would also work
See lessAfter the arrest of a missionary who lives with him, an ostracized amateur-Christian seeks justice in a fetish cultural island where there is no rule of law.
Arrest: Verb; Seize (someone) by legal authority and take into custody. I would use the word 'captured' or 'held against their will' to avoid confusion.
Arrest: Verb; Seize (someone) by legal authority and take into custody.
I would use the word ‘captured’ or ‘held against their will’ to avoid confusion.
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