1. Posted: June 4, 2013In:

    After the arrest of a missionary who lives with him, an ostracized amateur-Christian seeks justice in a fetish cultural island where there is no rule of law.

    Richiev Singularity

    As dpg pointed out your adjectives are a bit confusing. Also confusing is; the missionary is arrested then you say there is no rule of law. How is the missionary arrested if there is no rule of law? clearing that up it would help the logline. Hope that helped, good luck with this.

    As dpg pointed out your adjectives are a bit confusing.

    Also confusing is; the missionary is arrested then you say there is no rule of law. How is the missionary arrested if there is no rule of law?

    clearing that up it would help the logline.

    Hope that helped, good luck with this.

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  2. Posted: June 3, 2013

    Thwarted at every attempt to win over the girl of his dreams, an awkward boy (8) has to overcome his deepest fear to draw her into a magical world.

    Richiev Singularity

    I would add what that deepest fear is. For instance, he must overcome his deepest fear of spiders.., It would tell us more of what the story is about. Hope that helped, good luck with this,

    I would add what that deepest fear is. For instance, he must overcome his deepest fear of spiders..,

    It would tell us more of what the story is about.

    Hope that helped, good luck with this,

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  3. Posted: June 4, 2013In:

    A paranoid lawyer must confront his own personal demons when his elderly client strikes comparisons with Adolf Hitler, raising a dangerous hate mob.

    Richiev Singularity

    That is better because now it's more clear the client is accused of being Hitler, which wasn't clear in the first attempt.

    That is better because now it’s more clear the client is accused of being Hitler, which wasn’t clear in the first attempt.

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