1. Posted: May 30, 2013In:

    (political action adventure) about Veronica McCabe a college professor who wants to shut down the Plum Island Animal Disease Center. The federal government is bringing live animals with diseases through the community. Her son Alex (9) contracts a rare disease and now she has to find the cure.

    Richiev Singularity

    Something I see a lot with loglines, You present two ideas but as written it is hard to decipher how those ideas relate. 1) Lead wants to shut down the plum island animal disease center 2) Lead wants to find a cure for the disease her son has contracted. So you have presented two goals, but other thRead more

    Something I see a lot with loglines, You present two ideas but as written it is hard to decipher how those ideas relate.

    1) Lead wants to shut down the plum island animal disease center

    2) Lead wants to find a cure for the disease her son has contracted.

    So you have presented two goals, but other than both involve diseases, how do they relate?

    Once I know how those two goals relate it will clarify the story greatly

    Hope that helps, good luck with this!

    See less
    • 0
  2. Posted: May 30, 2013In:

    As the world’s oxygen suddenly disappears and the population of Earth dies, a lone jet flies over the ocean – the last living people. Chaos spreads through the air-pressured cabin as the passengers come to grips with both their impending mortality and the end of humanity.

    Richiev Singularity

    I agree with dpg. The air under the wings is what keeps the plane flying, without the air the plane crashes. If you like the set up then change the location. Make it an underwater facility that loses it's oxygen tanks and the characters are slowly running out breathable air. (That's just an example)

    I agree with dpg. The air under the wings is what keeps the plane flying, without the air the plane crashes.

    If you like the set up then change the location. Make it an underwater facility that loses it’s oxygen tanks and the characters are slowly running out breathable air. (That’s just an example)

    See less
    • 0
  3. Posted: May 27, 2013In:

    When a wealthy benefactor gets insulted by a homophobic employee, she threatens to close down a community-center unless the culprit agrees to coach her son's team of misfits- a gay soccer team.

    Richiev Singularity

    I am going to change the perspective a little see what comes up: ----- "When a homophobic community center employee insults their biggest benefactor, He is told if he doesn't coach her gay sons misfit soccer team to the championship she will pull her money from the center." ----- I am not that thrilRead more

    I am going to change the perspective a little see what comes up:
    —–
    “When a homophobic community center employee insults their biggest benefactor, He is told if he doesn’t coach her gay sons misfit soccer team to the championship she will pull her money from the center.”
    —–
    I am not that thrilled with the word ‘told’ in my attempted, but I didn’t think ‘ordered’ was quite right either.

    Hope that helped; however if the wealthy benefactor is the lead, then ignore this. Good luck!

    See less
    • 0