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An assassin hired by means of text messages to kill a prominent mobster discovers he has been set up by the daughter of one of his father?s hits in a complex scheme of revenge.
"When an assassin is set up by the daughter of one of his victims, he must..." ----- You started the meat of your logline halfway through and then didn't tell us what he must do once he realizes he is set up. Hope that helped, good luck with this! (btw. from your logline it seems we should be pullinRead more
“When an assassin is set up by the daughter of one of his victims, he must…”
—–
You started the meat of your logline halfway through and then didn’t tell us what he must do once he realizes he is set up.
Hope that helped, good luck with this!
(btw. from your logline it seems we should be pulling for the daughter not the assassin. Is he your main character?)
See lessAfter he steals a suitcase full of 'dirty' money, a penniless young writer struggles to escape from a street enforcer sworn to kill himself if he fails to recover the money and punish the writer.
I am not going to comment on the story or the premise, I am only going to take your logline and condense it a little. "After he steals a suitcase of 'dirty' money, a penniless writer must escape a ruthless street enforcer sworn to recover the money." You could also say 'evade' instead of 'escape' HoRead more
I am not going to comment on the story or the premise, I am only going to take your logline and condense it a little.
“After he steals a suitcase of ‘dirty’ money, a penniless writer must escape a ruthless street enforcer sworn to recover the money.”
You could also say ‘evade’ instead of ‘escape’
Hope that helped, good luck with this!
See lessAn astrophysicist embarks on secret mission to create a new planet, hoping to end a global war before an enemy tribe turns his people against their own.
You second attempt is still a little confusing because it doesn't explain how creating a new planet will end a global war. I could see how creating a new planet could help his tribe escape oppression but I still don't see how it would end a war. Second the word 'tribe is odd. When you think tribe yoRead more
You second attempt is still a little confusing because it doesn’t explain how creating a new planet will end a global war.
I could see how creating a new planet could help his tribe escape oppression but I still don’t see how it would end a war.
Second the word ‘tribe is odd. When you think tribe you think guys with spears not a high tech society.
I would keep trying, it sounds like the idea is in your head but you are having trouble translating it into a logline that people can understand. Good luck with this.
See less