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Two cross country gun-runners hit and kill a strange old woman with their disguised 18- wheeler. They soon figure out something strange about the woman as she has cursed them to drive across a dark, twisted reality of the world that they once knew.
I like it.
I like it.
See less"A reckless cop suspects his clean cut partner is actually an off duty vigilante. Upon investigation he discovers his partner is part of a bigger conspiracy and question his own morales by bringing his partner to justice"
This is much better
This is much better
See lessTwo cross country gun-runners hit and kill a strange old woman with their disguised 18- wheeler. They soon figure out something strange about the woman as she has cursed them to drive across a dark, twisted reality of the world that they once knew.
"When two gun-runners hit and kill an old gypsy, they become curse to a twisted reality and must discover how to escape before the dark things get them." My attempt isn't perfect but I am trying to set the stakes, You tell us that they are trapped in a dark reality but don't tell us what the stakesRead more
“When two gun-runners hit and kill an old gypsy, they become curse to a twisted reality and must discover how to escape before the dark things get them.”
My attempt isn’t perfect but I am trying to set the stakes, You tell us that they are trapped in a dark reality but don’t tell us what the stakes are or what they must do. What are the dangers in the dark reality, what must the gun-runners do.
You have given us situation but until we know what they must do and what is standing in their way you don’t have story.
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