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While fighting with a group of survivors against deadly man-eating monsters inside the underground laboratory, Rita is trying to find her missing brother. Version 2
Saying Rita, tells us nothing about her, You don't need to name the character in the logline. Give us an adjective. Determine, sheltered, naive, lonely, fierce... This will give the reader a picture of who the lead character is.
Saying Rita, tells us nothing about her, You don’t need to name the character in the logline.
Give us an adjective. Determine, sheltered, naive, lonely, fierce… This will give the reader a picture of who the lead character is.
See lessWhen Ex-SEAL Trent is drafted by a mysterious women to participate in a 2 day battle to the death against a team of Spetsnaz he must win if he is ever to return to his wife.
What's spetsnaz? A bottled water company?
What’s spetsnaz? A bottled water company?
See lessNaive teenage girl was preparing for her wedding in medieval village until it was spoiled by an evil witch's curse. To prevent villagers from eating each other (literally) she must confront the witch and learn the truth about the village past.
Great concept. I'm not sure you need the part about preparing for the wedding in the logline, I would concentrate on the second sentence, it seems to have almost everything you need for your logline. Here's your second sentence: "To prevent villagers from eating each other (literally) she must confrRead more
Great concept.
I’m not sure you need the part about preparing for the wedding in the logline, I would concentrate on the second sentence, it seems to have almost everything you need for your logline.
Here’s your second sentence: “To prevent villagers from eating each other (literally) she must confront the witch and learn the truth about the village past.”
You could then change it a little bit:
“When the villagers of her sleepy hamlet are turned into cannibals by an evil Witch, a naive girl must confront her town’s dark past in order to lift the curse and save both her family and betrothed.”
That example is still clunky– (by clunky I mean the part in my example where I say “Confront her towns dark past,” but is seems from your logline the villagers may have wronged the Witch in the past and the curse is her revenge)– but hopefully you see where I am going with it.
Sounds like a great idea. With a little bit of re-arranging your logline will be much improved.
Good luck!
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