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As a naive teen prepares her wedding, she learns about a curse placed upon her village, and must now confront a witch to stop the locals from cannibalism! Version 2
This is a much better attempt, good job.
This is a much better attempt, good job.
See lessWhile fighting with a group of survivors against deadly man-eating monsters inside the underground laboratory, Rita is trying to find her missing brother. Version 2
By the way, this attempt is improved from the first logline,it still needs changes but it's getting there. I would listen to sharks advice.
By the way, this attempt is improved from the first logline,it still needs changes but it’s getting there. I would listen to sharks advice.
See lessA cleptomaniac rich boy wanted for almost killing a clerk in a theft crosses life with a homeless writer when he steals and loses the novel he had finally finished.
This logline is a little confusing, I had to read a couple times. 1) The main problem: You haven't told us what the lead character wants. What's his goal? To overcome his kleptomania? To find the homeless man and return the novel? To evade jail time? To prove his innocence? 2) What does "crosses lifRead more
This logline is a little confusing, I had to read a couple times.
1) The main problem: You haven’t told us what the lead character wants. What’s his goal? To overcome his kleptomania? To find the homeless man and return the novel? To evade jail time? To prove his innocence?
2) What does “crosses life” mean? does it mean he “comes across” a homeless writer and steal his book –or– does it mean he “switches lives” with a homeless writer?
3) “Wanted for almost killing” should be changed to “Wanted for attempted murder”
4) Who “finally finished” the novel? The homeless writer or the thief? It isn’t clear as written.
I would try a second draft of this logine. Ask what’s the main conflict of the story, what the main character wants and who or what is standing in the way.
Hope that helped, good luck with this!
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