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While following the leads after her missing brother, Rita arrives at mountain chalet. But instead of her brother, she finds a secret underground laboratory, full of horrific creatures trying to eat her.
That attempt is a lot better, If you can find a way to do that in one sentence I think you'll have it.
That attempt is a lot better, If you can find a way to do that in one sentence I think you’ll have it.
See lessGwen lives her simple life in the Empire, until she is attacked by a Rogue Empowered. With her guardian kidnapped and the fate of everyone she loves depending on her forgotten Powers, will she remember her past or will she keep on Running?
This logline is a little bit of a mess. "Gwen"-- you don't need to tell us the name of the main character unless it's someone famous but you should tell us a character trait, Is she friendly, obstinate, a spitfire, selfless; give us an adjective. "lives her simple life in the Empire"-- What empire?Read more
This logline is a little bit of a mess.
“Gwen”– you don’t need to tell us the name of the main character unless it’s someone famous but you should tell us a character trait, Is she friendly, obstinate, a spitfire, selfless; give us an adjective.
“lives her simple life in the Empire”– What empire?
“Rogue Empowered”– Not sure what that means.
“will she remember her past or will she keep on Running?”– You shouldn’t end a logline with a question. (Especially if we kinda already know what the answer is)
This may be a great idea but the logline needs some work in order to captivate the reader and sell the story.
Good luck with this, hope this helped.
See lessWhile following the leads after her missing brother, Rita arrives at mountain chalet. But instead of her brother, she finds a secret underground laboratory, full of horrific creatures trying to eat her.
Oops I meant "tenacious young woman," not a "tenuous young woman," hehe just re-read and caught that.
Oops I meant “tenacious young woman,” not a “tenuous young woman,” hehe just re-read and caught that.
See less