This logine is much better but still needs work.

The two phrases, “her man” and “his needy gangland girlfriend” clash with one another.

When you say “her man” you are making it clear she is the main character
When you say “His needy girlfriend” you are implying he’s the main character.

I would change the word “His” and since you already said it was “her man” you don’t need “Girlfriend” just use “Girl” or “Woman”

I would also stay away from the term (Needy)
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An Example: “After her man is taken hostage in botched drug heist a (New adjective) gangland girl must…”
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One more small thing: When you say “If either of them are to make it out alive” it imply’s both are taken hostage but that line clashes with “When her boyfriend is taken hostage” which imply’s that only he was taken hostage.

I would clarify that in the logline.
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This attempt is really shaping up, now the changes will all be very small and picky. (I am curious what others think)

Hope this helped, good luck!

“Small town, meets big city, gets corrupted by a downward spiral of partying and drugs” is a very standard film concept.

There is nothing wrong with the fact this basic idea has been done, it’s just for your idea to work it needs a hook, something that makes it stand out.

Add a hook to the logline and it will be greatly improved.

Hope this works out for you, good luck.