1. Posted: March 24, 2020In:

    A college basketball star jeopardizes his championship hopes as he struggles to rescue his drug-addicted mother while searching for his biological dad.

    Richiev Singularity

    I have seen quite a few versions of this logline and I was thinking of how to make it work. As written, your lead has three goals, this is why the logline is having a little trouble. (1: Save his mother from drugs) (2: Find his father) (3: Win a national championship) but at the same time, your storRead more

    I have seen quite a few versions of this logline and I was thinking of how to make it work.

    As written, your lead has three goals, this is why the logline is having a little trouble.

    (1: Save his mother from drugs)

    (2: Find his father)

    (3: Win a national championship)

    but at the same time, your story needs those three goals. That is what the story is about.

    As a result, I think you should turn one of those ‘goals’ into the inciting incident.

    —–

    1: His mother’s overdose causes her to confess to the lead that his father is still alive. (Inciting incident)

    2: This sets the story into motions: The lead characters search for his father. (Goal)

    3: His search might endanger his chances of winning a national championship. (Stakes)

    —–

    Possible twist: Maybe his father is someone he knows, maybe a fan of his basketball team.

    See less
    • 0
  2. Posted: March 24, 2020In:

    An unsuccessful & frustrated young screenwriter search for ghosts to get inspired for writing horror screenplay as a final attempt

    Richiev Singularity

    I am just saying, desperate times call for desperate measures.You have the desperate measure, a screenwriter goes looking for ghosts to inspire his next screenplayBut you haven't given us the desperate situation that caused it... You should create a situation where the lead must succeed or else (ThiRead more

    I am just saying, desperate times call for desperate measures.

    You have the desperate measure, a screenwriter goes looking for ghosts to inspire his next screenplay

    But you haven’t given us the desperate situation that caused it… You should create a situation where the lead must succeed or else (This really bad thing will happen)

    Specific desperate situations: Examples…

    (1: If he doesn’t sell a screenplay he will lose his house)

    (2: If he doesn’t sell his screenplay he will be forced to move back to Iowa and live with his parents)

    (3: If he doesn’t sell his screenplay he will be forced to work for his father’s big evil corporation and become a faceless cog)

    Get your lead character up a tree and then start throwing rocks at him

    Anyway, I am just talking about the logline, the premise is solid. A great idea.

    See less
    • 0
  3. Posted: March 24, 2020In:

    An unsuccessful & frustrated young screenwriter search for ghosts to get inspired for writing horror screenplay as a final attempt

    Richiev Singularity

    An interesting premise. However, you might want to get more specific. "When his latest novel is rejected, and aspiring horror writer attempts to spend the night in a notorious haunted house to inspire his next manuscript."

    An interesting premise. However, you might want to get more specific.

    “When his latest novel is rejected, and aspiring horror writer attempts to spend the night in a notorious haunted house to inspire his next manuscript.”

    See less
    • 0