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When a Papuan native girl enters service in Sydney and meets a spoiled rich boy who becomes seriously ill, she must convince him that to survive he must adopt an ancient native tradition.
This is interesting because there are a lot of specific details you have in your logline that absolutely need to be in this logline. This makes changes kind of tough.I guess my only question would be. Is this story about the native girl, convincing the spoiled rich boy to adopt an ancient native traRead more
This is interesting because there are a lot of specific details you have in your logline that absolutely need to be in this logline. This makes changes kind of tough.
I guess my only question would be. Is this story about the native girl, convincing the spoiled rich boy to adopt an ancient native tradition. Or is it about the two of them, traveling together in Papua in order to perform it?
See lessA Bounty Hunter in search for a wanted man, finds more than he bargained for.
btw, After reading your logline I saw that is was categorized as a 'western', had I not read the category, I would never have known that the story took place in the old west. You might want to add a detail like, Dodge city, or six-shooter, into your logline in order to let a reader know from the logRead more
btw, After reading your logline I saw that is was categorized as a ‘western’, had I not read the category, I would never have known that the story took place in the old west.
You might want to add a detail like, Dodge city, or six-shooter, into your logline in order to let a reader know from the logline itself that it takes place in the old west.
An easy fix.
See lessA Bounty Hunter in search for a wanted man, finds more than he bargained for.
This is way too vague to hook a reader. "A bounty hunter in search of a wanted man" is exactly what all bounty hunters do, so you are describing every single bounty hunter in the world, nothing sticks out about this character. "Finds more than he bargained for..." again, this could be a hundred dollRead more
This is way too vague to hook a reader.
“A bounty hunter in search of a wanted man” is exactly what all bounty hunters do, so you are describing every single bounty hunter in the world, nothing sticks out about this character.
“Finds more than he bargained for…” again, this could be a hundred dollar bill on the street or a great new place to drink coffee, or his long lost father.
So if you want the logline to hook the reader, I would add a few specifics and it will help your logline greatly.
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