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After a minor brain injury, a cynical young woman learns she recently made the decision to come forward about a crime from her past; but, unsure if she is up to the task, she must work to find out who she spent the last two years becoming and whether the shoe still fits.
The logline starts well: "After a minor brain injury" A young woman: I would then replace young with an adjective that describes her character. However, this is where the logline starts becoming vague: Works to find out who she spent the last two years becoming... not sure how this looks on screen.Read more
The logline starts well: “After a minor brain injury”
A young woman: I would then replace young with an adjective that describes her character.
However, this is where the logline starts becoming vague: Works to find out who she spent the last two years becoming… not sure how this looks on screen. Does the woman go around to all her friends asking questions? Does she read her diary?
Also, I am not sure what her ultimate goal is.
Is her goal to regain her memory?
Is the goal just to discover who she is?
Or is it about overcoming challenges, because if that is the case you should say what is the main challenge?
In other words, if her goal is to overcome challenges you should be specific. (Because I have no idea what challenges she must overcome, I have? no idea what the stakes are, nor do I have any idea what the main conflict of the story is)
For instance: her goal might be, to make amends to her family for the way her former self treated them. (As an example) and now the reader would know what is the challenge she faces.
See lessPeter’s test logline
A couple of things for when you post your actual logline. 1: If someone is critical of the logline, it doesn't necessarily mean the story is bad, just that the logline is flawed. 2: However, sometimes writing a logline can point out story flaws. (Like a character being reactive instead of proactive)Read more
A couple of things for when you post your actual logline.
1: If someone is critical of the logline, it doesn’t necessarily mean the story is bad, just that the logline is flawed.
2: However, sometimes writing a logline can point out story flaws. (Like a character being reactive instead of proactive) However, in other cases, it might just mean the logline just didn’t properly convey the story, because trying to tell a 120-page story in 30 words is difficult.
3: It’s good to take logline advice, however, don’t take everyone’s advice.
A: because too many cooks can spoil the script, and
B: because sometimes the advice would have you change the story from the story you want to tell; to a story that doesn’t interest you. (Always tell the story you are compelled to tell)
4: Writing loglines is like working out, the more you do it the stronger you will get.
See lessNew Update feedback is much appreciated: A yakuza assassin defects after accepting a mission to escort a mysterious young girl. Uncovering her past, his mission becomes a desperate plight to save her.
I do think this logline could be tightened up a little bit. Basically, you just need to let us know what is threatening the girl. In other words, if saving the girl is the goal, then the movie starts when the girl is threatened. (I mean a specific threat that the reader can visualize) But I like theRead more
I do think this logline could be tightened up a little bit.
Basically, you just need to let us know what is threatening the girl.
In other words, if saving the girl is the goal, then the movie starts when the girl is threatened. (I mean a specific threat that the reader can visualize)
But I like the premise. These types of stories are usually fun, the tough guy who gets paired with a (Usually wisecracking ) kid.
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