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When 3 fatherless girls discover that their favorite pop-star is performing at their school?s father-daughter-only dance, they set out on a crazy mission to find 3 stand-in dads.
I agree with dpg's feedback.Also, I get the story from the logline. This is very good. Because some of the loglines I will read and I still have no Idea what the story is about.But your logline is clear and to the point.--------------------------------------------
I agree with dpg’s feedback.
Also, I get the story from the logline. This is very good. Because some of the loglines I will read and I still have no Idea what the story is about.
See lessBut your logline is clear and to the point.
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A group of thieves rob a police station in hope of retrieving sensitive evidence that could potentially end their criminal careers for good.
A group of thieves: this is kind of vague, is there a specific thief with a specific personality.Rob a police station: Now this is good. It is specific and has a certain amount of built-in conflict because we know it won't be easy.Sensitive evidence?: What evidence? a surveillance video? A notebookRead more
A group of thieves: this is kind of vague, is there a specific thief with a specific personality.
Rob a police station: Now this is good. It is specific and has a certain amount of built-in conflict because we know it won’t be easy.
Sensitive evidence?: What evidence? a surveillance video? A notebook with the plans for their next robbery? A photo of them walking out of the Thieves-are-us store?
Also, how did the police get this information, what is the inciting incident? Did one of their crew get arrested? How does this story begin? Your logline seems to be missing this important story point.
Anyway, I think with a few specifics this will be a pretty solid logline and the story seem interesting as well.
See lessGood luck with this.
Reeling from the loss of their eldest son to the war, a family welcomes the company of a mysterious soldier claiming to fulfill a promise to a fallen comrade.
Since the promise seems to be important to the story, what is the promise the soldier is vowing to keep?
Since the promise seems to be important to the story, what is the promise the soldier is vowing to keep?
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