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On a drunken dare, two disgruntled NASA interns plot to secretly deliver a sample of super-bacteria to Mars, transforming the face of the Red Planet forever. Title: Green Planet
I think the downside of this logline comes from the motivation?of the lead character.In a story, the lead character must want something more than anything else in the world. And if they fail their whole world will come crashing down. (Sometimes metaphorically?sometimes literally)In your story, the lRead more
I think the downside of this logline comes from the motivation?of the lead character.
In a story, the lead character must want something more than anything else in the world. And if they fail their whole world will come crashing down. (Sometimes metaphorically?sometimes literally)
In your story, the lead is motivated by a drunken dare? So basically if their plan succeeds, cool: if it fails, cool.
Why should the audience care if the lead character succeeds if the lead is just doing it on a whim? (And by ‘why should the audience care,’ I mean it should be in the logline)
So I would start with the question. What does the lead character want more than anything in the world? Then build your logline around that and you will see a big improvement in your logline.
See lessAfter a moving train is hit by a strange meteor, an elite unit must survive the flesh eating demons that stand between them and the Engine Car, where they must stop the train from crashing. (revised edition round 1)
I think the second half of the logline is very solid and an improvement over the original. However, to follow up on what Mikepedley85 said: Film is a visual medium. Any meteor that would be visually impressive on screen would destroy the train and leave a huge crater. Any meteor that would not destrRead more
I think the second half of the logline is very solid and an improvement over the original.
However, to follow up on what Mikepedley85 said:
See lessFilm is a visual medium. Any meteor that would be visually impressive on screen would destroy the train and leave a huge crater.
Any meteor that would not destroy the train would be the size of a pea?and go, ‘plink’ and not be visually impressive.
When a broken hearted assault victim finds self-defence classes, a hidden talent for martial arts is unlocked. Her powers are challenged by an enemy Kung Fu clan who seek to destroy her and the school. (Revised edition).
"When her martial arts school is attacked, a former assault victim with a knack for self-defense must..." (Then tell us what she must do)
“When her martial arts school is attacked, a former assault victim with a knack for self-defense must…” (Then tell us what she must do)
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